WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 9

[confusedinpa]

Hi confusedinpa,

You asked me to stop by and take a look at your thread. I tried to find the first post and got as far back as sometime in 2008, but never found where you actually came on the board. So, could you give me a very brief upgrade as to what your story is about? I gather that you are S and she had filed for a D. She apparently has not been out of the house long, but you don't want to wait for years only to find out it won't change facts.

Sandi,

Thanks for taking the time to check in on me and offer your thoughts.

Here is my first post in WAS

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1699420&page=5&fpart=1

Before I created my first post in Newcomers:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1702221&page=4&fpart=1

In short, my wife turned 36 this year and I will turn 41 in a couple of months. We have a 3 year old and 7 year old.

We had gone to marriage counseling all of 2008 but during that entire time, I kept telling her and the counselor that I didn't know why we were there as I love her dearly and am happy. That went on week after week without ever getting to what the problem was or how severe the problem was.

Then on Jan 9th, she dropped the bomb that she filed for divorce as she felt that I neglected her since late 2000/early 2001 (we got married in late 1999). I was crushed and begged and pleaded. She was very surprised as she expected me to be either relieved that the marriage as finally going to over or that I would be so angry I would just throw her out. She never expected me to work on the marriage.

I found a different counselor and we went for about 2 - 2.5 months. We got as far as she was hurt that I neglected her and that even though she sees how I've changed, she just can't see me as her husband any longer. She said that I've chipped away all her love for me so there was nothing left. Now everytime she sees me, she just feels hurt.

She stopped going to counseling with me about a week before she moved out on April 18th of this year, even though she said that she would continue after she moved out. Most recently she said that she wanted to find her own therapist to figure out how to move on from feeling hurt everytime she sees me before we start marriage counseling again. In the same conversation, she said that she hadn't changed her mind about the divorce. Very confusing.

As you can see from all of my threads, we still talk and even now we see each other. We do talk almost daily (either text/email or phone calls, mostly she initiates), usually about tactical stuff related to kids or going out with the kids. We had a couple of relationship related talks over the past 5 days. Both of those are on this thread (page 1 and 3). I can't tell if she's cake eating or if there is hope or if she's just using me to enable her to get through this sad time.

Any thoughts?

We had a tough relationship discussion tonite. I'll post that one in a little later.

I'm really curious what your read is on my WAW. As many here have said, this one seems more confusing than normal.

Thanks again for dropping by and I welcome your input!