How ironic that I find myself here again and someone has just posted. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to find my thread, nor could I remember what it was called. Hi mermaid, sunshine and braveheart. Thank you for your comments. Some more things have happened and I've come here for solace and journaling.
My dad did pass away on March 20th, after a very rapid decline the last week or two of his life. I loved him dearly and will miss him greatly.
My Grandma on the other hand has recovered quite nicely and with more physical therapy has surpassed her abilities to get around from BEFORE the heart attack. I don't know that that means she can ever get out of the convalescent center but her strength has been renewed somewhat.
After seeing XH on March 8th...
I emailed him a light note on March 15th saying that it was great to see him again and catch up a little bit and made some comments about how good his website looked, and asked him if he would tell me what he thought about my website when he had a chance...
No response from XH
On March 25th I e-mailed XH regarding the death of my dad and just said that his decline was fast at the end and that I thought XH should know about it and I thanked him for taking care of our dog like he does and that he should take care of himself in every way too...
No response from XH
Despite being unemployed I was able to go on a thrifty vacation in April and hoped for a fresh start and renewed vigor for seeking employment and getting my life together. Before I went I had met a nice man and dated him several times and then he announced he was leaving to go back home (half the country away) to tend to his father who was having some ill health and surgery. I saw him after I returned from vacation and then he moved away. It was kind of refreshing to feel cherished again and have someone be kind to me but I guess it wasn't meant to be.
On May 12, one of my cats passed away suddenly with no advance warning or symptoms of ill health. The vet surmises that it was a heart aneurysm or something like that of a sudden nature. To you pet lovers out there that think of their pets as children or members of the family...you know where I am coming from. It was and still is quite shocking and leaves quite a void in the household and my heart.
The next day I called XH to let him know what had happened. XH had actually adopted this kitty himself and we have had reasonable communication about the fate of our pets so I thought he would like to know.
I called in the evening and reported the news but couldn't help crying a little bit here and there. XH asked what had happened and I told him the details and he bluntly said "you'll be fine in a few days, you just need to grieve" and when asked how he was he just said "I get by" and he asked me "did you get a job yet?" During the conversation I asked if he had gotten my e-mails and he simply said "yes" and I simply said "O.K." and moved on to something else. The basic tone of the conversation was that he was an unsympathetic jerk and it just ended with him saying "well, I better let you go" and me flatly saying "yeah, ok, see ya later, bye."
After the conversation I was more upset and thought why do I still care about this jerk and why do I still try to be nice to him?, blah, blah, blah. I was fed up and thought this would be the perfect time to finally be done with it and slam the door...which, yes...STILL has a crack in it.
Before I had called him, I intended to e-mail him the most recent pictures of the pets that I had but thought better of it saying to myself "why bother?...he doesn't give a rip anyway"
Yesterday, I had reconsidered and thought I would send them. I composed the e-mail and attached the pictures and then thought again..."the he!! with it" and saved it as a draft.
A couple of hours later my phone rang and it was XH...hmmmm
I answered and he said "Hi, how are you doing?" and my canned response was "oh fine, how are you?" He said "I mean about the cat thing?" I said "oh, O.K., you know..." He said he wanted to call and apologize ( :o) for being unsympathetic. He said "I am a jerk, but I'm not that much of a jerk and I really am sorry." He said his girlfriend was present at the time and he didn't want to appear too sympathetic (Hmmmm) in front of her. I just said that I appreciated him telling me that. Then he said he was sorry about my dad too and that he would try to be better at answering my e-mails. I just said thanks and O.K. and said that I had planned to send him some pictures of the kitties and he said that would be good...in fact that would be better...if I just e-mailed...because the girlfriend was a "live-in" situation now. I just said O.K. I asked him if anything was new and he told me about a new motorcyle that he gotten that he just uses to pop over to his dad's because he is close and he can help out his dad. He said his dad is getting old now and can't lift things, etc. I asked how old his parents were again and said I had lost track. He did the math and said well they were such and such when I was born and I'll be 41 soon (tomorrow...which is today)...so I interjected "yes, happy birthday tomorrow". He just said thanks and went on. He also said he had been talking to some friend about X wives and I said "What did you say about me?" and laughed. He just said "nothing...we were just talking and I thought about you and thought I should call." We chit chatted a little more and this ended on a much more pleasant note with him wishing me a good Memorial Day and take care and so forth.
I was telling a friend about all this and she said "you were a lot better off before...you still cared but you had an attitude...you were strong about it." She meant before this more frequent contact from XH of the past few months. I know she is right but I don't know how to get it back. I'm tired of losing things..H, dog, job, dad, cat. It's wearing a little thin. Every night I pray for something "good" to happen. It doesn't even matter what it is...just something good. She thinks I am getting "weak" and I have to agree with her.
I guess I'm not as detached as I thought, but I never had to deal with XH this consistently before. I admit that I was hoping for a second glance after the departure of Sweet Pea so the announcement of the seriousness of the R with his new GF is more than a little disheartening. I was also a little taken aback by his "protective" nature with that R. Why didn't our M warrant that? Someone pointed out that maybe he did "learn" something then.
So, in summary it seems he does care what I think about him, he made it quite clear he is in a serious relationship and he doesn't want me messing it up by calling, but he still does want to keep in contact...by e-mail at least. Why is the question and something I can't guess.
The facts are that we're D'd, he made no attempt to reconcile and now he's in a R with someone else. Knock, knock, puddin' head. Enough said.
