As I read others threads, I keep finding pearls that apply to my sitch - the beauty of the boards
DanceQueen posted the following on Puppy's Thread on May 14th. It didn't seem to ring so true for Puppy, but it sure hits home with me.
Originally Posted By: DanceQueen
She really does NOT want to be divorced from you and she loves you...but she fears that she will not get a good sex life ever in her life if she stays with you.
Now, she obviously doesn't realize that she is half (or more) of the problem with the sex life...she hasn't done enough introspection to really understand that. She is blinded by the very typical but false presumption many women have that her man should "just know" what she needs to be turned on, and if he doesn't give it to her, then he's not the right man for her. This is sad and not true at all, but many many women think this way subconsciously. Many women like your wife do not take the time to disect what attraction is truly all about. She just knows that you and she do not have it going on good, and she blames you for it.
So anyway...my point to you is, I think this is truly what she is afraid of. A dissapointing sex life for the rest of her life. She desperately wants to experience passion and good sex and fun and adventure...she fears that she will not be able to have that with you.
My W really does not want to get divorced. She does not want to disrupt her life or our family or our kids, but...
...She is facing her own mortality with numerous sicknesses and deaths within her family.
...she has emotionally divorced me and avoids intimacy
...her primary complaints are that she feels no attraction and that our sex is "empty".
Reading Schnarch is really helping me understand the root causes and showing me where I will have to focus in any future R that I have.
Right now, however, I have to get past the emotional divorce
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
