I know. I am just pissed that he can't man up about it. You know, if you can walk away from your family and give up on your marriage, then say it.
"I have no desire to be with you. I want a divorce and I have no intentions of working things out."
Something like that anyway. All the wussy "I just don't know how to forgive and move on, I can't forgive myself" crap is, well, crap.
The part that hurts the most is that I DO place a high, high value on my Christian faith. That is #1 ahead of everything. And I thought he was the same. He grew up going to church, baptized, confirmed, etc etc. I didn't go to church until I was 11 and made the choice to start going with a friend since my family didn't go. So I thought I was 'behind' him on that stuff.
But the first thing my Pastor asked me was, "Why does he come to church?" And he said he had serious doubts whether Dan really knew who God was and trusted in Him. Because if he did, he could never do the things he is doing. None of us are perfect, but if you believe in the values of the Bible, you don't walk away from your wife. Even if you cheat, you repent, you change your ways, you recommit.
I am just very sad today. Because this is it.
My parents are watching the kids tonight while we divide them (visitation) between us.
And I told Nathan that he was going to G/G house tonight, he asked why? I said so Dad and I can have time together.
He says, "I know what you are doing. You guys will hang out, relax. Then you will lay down next to each other and hug each other and kiss each other." And he had the goofiest grin. God Bless him, he has such a fantasy going...
So I will tell Dan tonight that we must tell the children, soon. They need to know that we are not going to be getting back together.
(And no that is not to coerce him of anything. I am just tired of the whole situation and it needs to stop.)
