Bbj, I agree, he thinks you are "crying wolf" as we say and doesnt take you seriously. Unless he comes to you to talk, I think you should drop all references to what he is leaving behind etc etc. Believe me, you have given him all the chances of the world to come to his senses. He knows what you want but it is not what he wants. Sorry about Sydney. We were for 3 years in and out of hospitals, small surgeries, ER etc. And all that with NO vomiting (maybe twice). Thank God because I cant take it!! Try to get some rest, school is over? hugs K
I will not talk to him about what he could have, he knows what he could have. But I will have to talk to him about the kids' schedule, that is just a practical/planning thing that needs to happen. So I can start making plans for myself. I am sure he is not going to have them that much without me for a while b/c he will spend free time remodeling his house. That is not a safe place for the kids with power tools all over and Nathan having terrible dust and mold allergies...
But he will have to suck it up and find a couple of nights a week and some weekends. Even if he has to stay at our house or his parents' with them, he needs to start having some overnights, I think. And the counselor agreed.
When this locks I will move to Surviving. Time to move on...
Although I do have one question. Not that it matters. But
is there a difference between
"I don't want to....." (forgive you, build a life with you, etc)
and
"I don't know how to...."
Because, for example, take losing weight. I might say, "I want to lose weight, but I don't know how." So then if I really wanted to, I would seek out a dietician, read a book, find someone who DOES know how to lose weight and ask them to help me.
But if I said, "I don't want to lose weight", then I would do nothing to try, which makes sense, b/c I said "I don't want to."
Anyway just reflecting on something H said. That "he didn't know how to forgive and move on. He couldn't forgive himself for how he treated me and couldn't find a spark to re-ignite us"
I just told him there was a big difference between not knowing how, and not wanting to. That in the case of the former, if you wanted to, you made the effort to find someone/something to show you how. (Pastor, counselor, book, whatever) In the latter, so be it. It's done.
He only said the former but I am treating it like the latter. We are getting together tonight to set up the schedule with the kids. And it will be strictly business on my end.
Hmmm, he is sugarcoating the "I dont feel like trying" with I dont know how...
I understand your frustration also but dont let him lead you to cheeseless tunnels...
I have to ditto K on this one BBJ. If he wanted to, he would seek help. He's not willing to do that because that would take actual work and self-examination. I have a feeling that when he has examined himself before he doesn't like what he sees so if he doesn't do it then he can live 'as if'. Understand what I mean? I hope so because my thoughts are rambling quite a bit.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
BBJ, I know this is hard but do not over analyze his statements (we all do it, because we are hanging on to some hope). Whether he knows or does not know, the fact of the matter is when we want something we make the effort to attain it. If he wants some bull semen, I guarantee you he is going to find a way to get it...even though he does not know how.
If he wants some bull semen, I guarantee you he is going to find a way to get it...even though he does not know how.
Thanks John. Now I have this vision in my mind of him sneaking into some other farmers field at night wearing surgical gloves, carrying vaseline, a container and a copy of "Play Heifer Magazine".
