It's never too soon to have at least an initial consultation with a good family law attorney. Preferably one who specializes in "men's rights" and paternal custody issues. Reason being, it:
a) helps give you peace-of-mind; and
b) helps you identify things you should be doing NOW to help your case, and AVOIDING now that might hurt you down the road.
As for exposure, that's a real personal decision that's tough to advise. I WOULD advise, however, that if you DO do it, that you expose to everyone you're going to expose to SIMULTANEOUSLY. I was strongly advised to do that, and DIDN'T, and I regretted it. The reason is two-fold; the "shock-and-awe" has a greater effect when done all at once, and also it doesn't give the cheating spouse any time to "spin" other people who they think are probably about to be exposed to. Another reason is, if she's going to get pissed at you (and she will be livid, make no mistake), you might as well get it all over with at once, kwim? Sorta like pulling a Band-Aid off quickly.
