K, You are a wonderful woman to the core and your feelings are real and justified. And yes you are honestly doing everything you can, listening to your heart and then thinking and acting. You are not a quitter by any means. But all this must not wear you down too much; maybe focus on the artwork when you feel down. It's all still a mystery and hopefully clarity will come one day. Only something wonderful can ultimately happen to you because of who you are. (More later as I'm swamped.)
