YOUNG children cope better overall. my youngest was 7 when the ex did his thing and his youth protected him. He is 10 now, and overall, much better off than the older two, who were 14 and 13 respectively. The older two suffered badly.
Older children see and hear so much more and they understand whats going on... its tough on them. They tend to hold strong at first, for YOU, and then fall apart later on. WATCH YOUR KIDS. WHEN YOU are better, they wont be; they'll relax and fall to bits right in front of you. kids cant talk of this stuff with you. your too close to it and too emotionally involved; if you have older kids they need help about 2 years IN. thats about when they really begin questioning but wont question YOU. if you dont get them the help they need to answer their questions they'll begin acting out.
SONS become super protective of mother; mine did. They try to be the 'man of the house', and if they think they fail you, or disapoint you, they fall to bits. SONS learn how to be men from their fathers. Get your OWN father involved closely in their life if you can so they have a good father figure, and your brothers. ENLIST the male family members you have to REALLY HELP YOUR BOYS, because they didnt have a good example and they've been really ruffled up about how it is to be a man and what that means. your sons if you have them, need every bit of help you can give them. (note: my own ex had abandoning parents and left his kids the same age his mother abandoned him, and his father never spoke to him again for choosing his mother; so you see how this works?)
TEEN DAUGHTERS cannot beleive their father chose some other OW, if that happened, over THEM and it shakes their confidence, and the behaviour can be extreme, with playing up to severe playing up with BOYS. they're trying to find love, in all the wrong places. If you dont want your daughter to become a young OW to a cheating middle aged man one day, ensure, ensure, ENSURE, she has some older male role models, grandfather, brothers, to show her what real men are and how they act. ALSO get them some gentle counselling.
MOST OF ALL I COULD SAY: dont let your kids see you totally break down no matter what their ages. Never let them truly see your devastation if you can help it because it shakes their very foundations; if dad walks out, you are all they have, and they're relying on you: if you fall apart or seem to be, they are going to be so scared. and they will never forget it. seeing as im talking about biggest regrets here trying to help people, thats mine.
I ended up having an oldest son who was so insanely worried about me, he waited outside on the driveway for me to come home incase I died in an accident; and I would awaken to see him watching me "to check i was breathing". BE CAREFUL. kids need to know you wont die or fall apart. My son began to have nightmares of trying to do a task for me which he could not do and I would scream at him for failing. He began fearing wetting his pants during the day.
I dont tell you this to scare you but educate you so you dont make the same mistakes. its taken me 2 years to convince my kids I will LIVE and will KEEP LIVING. so before curling up in a ball and crying your eyes out, ensure they wont see it or hear it or you may regret it forever.
A promiscuous daughter is not something any mother wants but if you have one who has serious issues with her father and an OW, you could end up with that result, if you dont sort out the fact it wasnt HER or any lack in HER that made him leave. Its an emotional reaction of punishment to the father and looking for love. (and this is often how OW's are born.) so be SURE shes really secure in knowing how amazing and beloved she is - and the rejection is nothing to do with her.
YOUNG CHILDREN tend to regress, and pretty seriously, and initially you have to go with that. My own son at 7 began acting about 5 and developed learning problems at school. he didnt want to learn to read or write, because that would mean growing up, and growing up seemed scary. So really nurture young kids and be patient with emotional setbacks. On the upside younger kids, tho perhaps they regress a little, do seem OVER TIME, to deal with it better, probably from the fact they simply didnt see it as much as older kids would, and by the tiime they are older, your better. so they're better. but KEEP REITERATING to all children that its nothing to do with them and not their fault
because take it from experience, some men in MLC are so low they will actually tell the kids they didnt 'love' them enough or 'need them' now hence the abandonment. SOMETIMES, you have to elect to not have them in your kids lives.
thats neough for me but I hope some info helped even just one lady.
When you're down to nothing, God is up to something.
