Newcomer, want to keep my hope alive!

[iwantittowork]

So, today is first meeting and start of D Mediation..

I am not doing well with that concept, and really struggling internally.

However, I have had some bright points in the last week for myself, at times I know I can come through this a better man, and RobX's posts have shown me I need to find the MAN I once was. That is my focus.

I am not going to roll over for her though at the Mediation, I don't know what's going to happen yet, but I am also not planning on moving out of my house. She can leave is she wants, I'll even help her pack. I know she will say she has no money to do so, but how can that be if she has thousands lined up in the next month for cosmetic surgery? However, my main concern is also my D, and she is a good mother so I won't be seeking custody or anything.

I have struggled the past week with all this, but don't show or bring it up at home, I have been talking with friends and family offline and that has been a HUGE help in allowing me to vent some, and then come home and act civil and respectful, and even somewhat happy.

Just today, I told her to have a great day as she was off work, then I skipped to my car to move it so she could get out of the driveway.

Funny, she even waved goodbye as she left the house from the car, all on the day we are headed to break up the family..

That's my current focus, myself and making sure I am positive and upbeat as I can be at home for my D, and the rest of the family. I MUST maintain this no matter what she says or happens.

It's odd, you can clearly see and feel the direction you need to go in, the PMA, GAL, but at times it's the darned hardest thing to do and keep in the forefront of your mind.

Baby steps, I feel good after a night of not being in a bad mood, wishing her good night and have a good nights sleep, no matter what is on the plate. I need to maintain that, and everyone else in these sitch's, I hope you come to see that, and work towards that as well.