Ever thought about LASHING OUT and telling the OW, your EX, or his family JUST WHAT YOUR GOING THROUGH? all the professionals will tell you not to. Well heres what its REALLY like, from someone who ignored the advice and DID it.
1) I WHIPPED my ex with everything he was doing and did continually. He ran away. Thats what happens. I cant put it more simply. SO: if you dont WANT this, then dont DO this. Think of it like a DOG. If you keep beating on a dog, is it going to try to escape the yard? YES. every chance it gets. Its not going to want to be with you, if it can get away. Same applies to misbehaving husbands.
2) Its nice thinking of how cool it would be to tell the OW just how much pain she caused. WELL I DID it. I told her via email, in detail, just how much agony she made me and my kids go thru. Wanna know what I got: I got one line: "why would he want to be with someone as fat and old as you". I will remember that line, from that stupid little ignorant girl, for the rest of my life. It sunk into my soul like acid. The OW has no excuse for her carry ons. She has NOTHING to say to you, she cannot justify herself to you whatsoever, shes a lowlife so IF she replied she would reply as HARSHLY as she could and believe me you DONT want to hear it. SHE is on the defensive and SHE is going to fight so much dirtier than you ever can. SHE WILL USE HER YOUTH, BODY AND LOOKS to take you DOWN. MY OW certainly did and it so nearly succeeded, I cannot tell you ENOUGH from experience NOT TO CONTACT THE STUPID OW. the BITCHFIGHT you will get into will UNDERMINE everything you ever thought of yourself and make you feel so rotten you will sink to lows you could never imagine. DONT DO IT. She isnt worth it and most of all, she shouldnt know how much hurt she caused you. Be mysterious. let her WONDER about you forever. Be the sphynx, you'll be so glad in the future.
3) Its tempting to let the ex's family know the dirty details. After all you are justified. DONT BOTHER. hang it up, they're going to question him and hes going to lie and your going to be made out to be crazy. You will be forever alienated and this will cause future alienation for your children. Its probably one of my true big regrets. At the time I felt I needed to be heard and I cant say now I entirely regret it for ME but I do for the kids. I should have bided my time and let my kids say it all; it would have come out anyway.
4) A daughter is for life, but a son is only until he takes a wife. A SONS MOTHER doesnt really consider you to be a big deal so dont count on your mother in law even for the sakes of grandchildren. Shes already thinking of a new potential daughter in law and your dismissed. This is harsh and no one wants to talk about it but even the NICEST mother in law will show her colors and choose her son. So dont bother seeking her assistance in the first place.
5) The kids are going to be alienated already by the OW and possibly the MLC man anyway without you trying. If fury sets in, its easy to decide you never want him to have a single thing to do with your kids, ever, ever again. Especially OW. Over your dead body. ROTTING body, even. Fact is, kids are smart anyway, so be the good guy because they're GOING To remember that... and OW will probably be long gone then. IN HINDSIGHT, I wish i'd had the balls to wish him and her well and waggle my fingers goodbye. Hindsight is useless.
6) REMEMBER THIS: every angry word you say in email or whatev, is probably being saved by him, to show to your kids one day to justify himself. DONT GIVE HIM ANYTHING.
7) DIGNITY is easily lost, and hard regained. I fell on my face with my ex and his family and his horrid OW, and if I could take back anything, it would be letting ANY of them knowing how bad I was hurt.
8) YOU HAVE TO HAVE FAITH that one day, these people are going to have to live with themselves, and their actions. They live by ONE thing: hoping they'll live it down. Hoping it will DIE down and everyone will stop talking. But no one truly ever does. So it doesnt need to be you, doing the talking. Trust in humankind's ability to keep the sordid gossip going without you reminding everyone about just how disgusting they are. THEY KNOW.
9) remember that no matter how much you hate and loathe the OW, she is just as jealous and hateful towards you: after all theres so much more to be jealous of. you had more history and more life together and probably kids. She has to suffer it every day. Lifes tough for an OW, eh? so keep up the mystery! the ex wont be talking!
10) BIG TIME REMINDER: even though you hurt WORSE in the beginning and for so long, at the END OF THE DAY, you know you did all you could and TRIED TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE. your ex doesnt have that comfort whatsoever. he has to live with the fact he walked away from it all and didnt try. I'd rather be me. When i finally heal, it'll be for good. I wont have guilt. i wont have regrets. HE WILL! three cheers for THAT. theres enough revenge there, to last a LIFETIME and more so be happy with that.
When you're down to nothing, God is up to something.
