PART TWO for anyone interested - WHAT I DID WRONG. happy to share, knowledge is power, and being told the RIGHT things to do is one thing, but knowing just how ugly the WRONG thing to do is pretty cool too. After all I got divorced so MY mistakes are definitely learn worthy.

MISTAKE 1) When my husband told me he didnt think he loved me anymore I absolutely cracked it. I would tell anyone now who suffers this... to not.

MISTAKE 2) When I found out about OW... I absolutely cracked it. Let me say this: 3 years later, I am neither surprised, nor shocked by what happened. He was ripe, she was the type. I wish I had played it a LOT cooler.

MISTAKE 3) When he had his first doubts and confided in me, I immediately assumed everything would be great and he'd give up OW and come home. WRONG. Looking back, I wish I had realised he had gotten into the habit of lying and was simply trying to burn both ends in case one didn't work out so well. I wish I had said NO and not taken him back, the first time: and I think if I had NOT, then we might have got somewhere later on. Because while I WAS FIGHTING HARD... OW WAS FIGHTING HARDER, AND DIRTIER, THAN I WAS.

MISTAKE 4) I assumed his kids meant something to him and he'd never abandon them. Why shouldnt I? he'd been a great dad. LOOKING BACK.. I should NEVER have assumed this whatsoever. I thought I had an upper hand over the OW. NOPE she had it ALL OVER ME and SHE knew it. She made me out to be manipulative, and it made him all too willing to abandon his own kids. We play into their hands, when he ASSUME our kids mean more than her, and SHE is going to want to win that war.

MISTAKE 5) I assumed our past happiness and life together would surely bring him around in the end. WRONG. If I knew better THEN, I'd have realised thats exactly what he was running from, and OW just played into that even more. Memories and good times past had no impact. Theres no emotional ties left to work on.

MISTAKE 6) I just had no concept at the time, at how much he blamed me for his entire situation even his affair, as well as the breakdown. I really was clueless on this, as he was SO in the wrong, how could he possibly blame ME. well HE DID, and the shock was pretty gruesome when it began finally hitting home. No matter how bad he behaved, it was all my fault. If he has SUPPORTERS (family, OW) they will CONVINCE him of this. Dont waste time thinking they feel bad about their actions; you made them do it.

MISTAKE 7) I let him make me angry - very, very, very angry. In fact so angry, I never want to experience that level of fury again in my entire life. Anger takes so much energy and life out of you, and drains every drop of happiness and gratitude from your very being. its a terrible way to feel, and I lived as "angry woman", akin to being on fire permanently that no one can see, for over 2 years. I highly DO NOT reccommend ever giving anyone that much power over your emotions, EVER.

MISTAKE 8) In the end I internalised and began to secretly believe I deserved this and that my entire life had been ruined as a result, and to have a husband walk out on me was a good indication of how worthless and terrible I must be. Even though I never let on to others, thats how I TRULY felt. This was not helped by being told that, repeatedly, by his family. NEVER LISTEN TO THEM. They are ASHAMED and they LASH OUT to lay blame to shut you up if you try to speak out. I became secretly suicidal over these feelings, and if it was not for the fact I had to put food on the table for three kids, I probably would not have survived those dark, dark days. ITS NOT TRUE.

MISTAKE 9) Because I was so incredibly ANGRY, but also wanting to SAVE my marriage, I blew completely hot and cold. I was not able to control it and my emotions were conversely hateful one day and brimming with regret the next. Not only did it confuse me, but made communication of any kind absolutely impossible. I dont blame myself for this now. I did not have the tools to behave any other way.

MISTAKE 10) I really, really, really, let my kids see how hurt and damaged I was, too much. Though its ok for your kids to know your sad, dont let them see you devastated; they wont ever forget it. I scarred my kids. Please dont, with yours.

XOXOXOXOXO keep strong

When you're down to nothing, God is up to something.