Geez, I'm no mind reader. But if you lived on post he wouldn't have to pay you as much as he will if you live OFF. He'll get BAQ when you leave but that will be the minimum he has to give you until the court's decide on an amount. What rank is he?
Point is there are financial ramifications if you live on post versus moving away. Getting a divorce would NOT be harder; you'd just have more of a hassle if that happened. YOU would have to move within 30-90 days (usually 60) and find a new place whenever it happened, as opposed to moving to a better more stable place during the summer.
Do what's best for the kids. Your h can decide you're worth a relatively small hurdle or two if he wants back in and if he's not willing to leap a few, do you really believe it'll work in the long run anyhow?
IF you KNOW in your heart you are moving for good reasons, i.e., that your choices are not punitive ones, NOR are they tactics to get him back, and if you know in your heart (as much as you can), that it is the best course for you or the kids, just do it. If he comes around, great. If not, so be it. That's on him.
Life is short and tomorrow is promised to no one. Trouble is we don't know how finite our lives are. We don't know that this next several months are 3 years are our last. What do you want to spend yours doing? Or what if you have 45 years left and find out that in 10 of those years, your h will AGAIN "wonder if"??? And you'll be on these boards again wondering what going dark means and what it means if he looks at you a certain way or says a sentence that contradicts the other five...
As you must have heard by now, "Believe nothing he says and half of what he does."
Sorry I can't figure out your h for you. Not enough info IF he IS the type one can figure out. Which he may not be. In the final analysis you'll have ONE thing to go by; how he treats you and your kids.
Not what you hope/think/wonder/wish he feels/thinks/says/does....but how he treats YOU NOW...
and it does not sound too good, but there's some mixed signals going on. See if you can Let those settle. How long do you have before you must decide anything?
If you must decide soon, don't get into the housing on post. He can end up leaving you anyhow, and still have you there on post and you'll get little or NO additional money since the housing is paid for by being on post, so what will you do then? He's asking you to take all the risks...and he's taking none.
Normally that's the opposite in these situations. The WAS does something, goes out on a limb or makes a gesture to show that they are different now. By taking him back, You'd risk that he'll hurt you again and he'd risk that you'll hold it over his head or throw it in his face or make him miserable with 100 conditions attached to his existence and whereabouts etc...in this case, he wants you to move in so he doesn't have to pay you much IF anything, and you and the kids are nearby in case he does choose to return...how convenient for him and how nightmarish and purgatorial for you. And if he does not change his mind, it has cost him NOTHING to keep you here.
Given the givens, he should be putting out flares into the sky about how he's willing to demonstrate what HE'S going to do to PROVE TO YOU that HE WILL BE different and that HE is worth keeping...
Just a thought.
(( j ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
