I have come to believe that my marriage is for life, that I am married to this woman through God's grace, and that I am bound to stand for her. And because I believe I am married to her in God's eyes, I still wear my ring and do not call her "ex."
Having said that, I am subject to temptations that are common to all men. I have tried dating to no avail, and have thought of asking other women out. I am at the point that I resist these temptations because I know they will lead nowhere.
Have I doubted if I still want her? Yes, I have thought of things about her that I do not like (never did), but I don't base these thoughts on what's going on now or my "stand."
Because I am having financial difficulties I wonder if I could "afford" her back, but in dealing with raw "want", there is no doubt.
We are one flesh, according to my belief. That longing you feel is the spot from which your one flesh mate was torn away. In me, that feeling has not ebbed in the slightest. In fact, it has grown.
I have times when I wish this was gone or that it never happened (meaning "she" never happened) because it hurts so much, but something always turns me around.
I have friends, I do things, but they don't heal that raw spot where the "tearing away" took place. I am not better off. As soon as I'm done with whatever activity, she takes back her place in my heart and stays there until the next distraction.
I think it depends on levels of love. Valorie is my life's love. She is all my reasons. I'm not ashamed of that. Love endures through EVERY circumstance.
If you don't have that kind of love, then perhaps you're better off. Only you can decide. But the enemy will lie to you and tell you many things to pull you off the path. And the closer you get to a breakthrough, the harder he will come at you.
Of course it is God who wants your marriage and family together. And it is only He who can put it back together.
Trust, obey, and wait on Him. His timing is perfect.
I hope I answered your questions.
God bless you,
David
The fires of true love can never be quenched, because the source of its flame is God Himself! - Shulamith
