So how fast did your W turn around after you started dating? Again, just curious. And is there any reason why you're not reconciled if she's doing all that?
It's a long process plus a reconciliation doesn't just happen overnight, you just don't write it down and hand a note to your wife that you're dating again.
The process involves rebuilding yourself into a greater person just for you, not for your wife's sake.
If you do the work on rebuilding you just for you, then the changes are real & lasting.
For the bulk of the separation I pursued her and made all the typical "wus" behavior type mistakes.
When I stopped acting like a wus and started assuming the relationship was over, when I told her I wouldn't be her doormat anymore and she could continue having an affair with whomever she pleased and it wouldn't bother me anymore.
It seriously is a long process but after a while they get it in their heads that when they have no effect on you anymore and that you're living a great life without them, they finally realize what they've lost and drop what they are doing to get it back.
Giving in easily wouldn't work either, she would probably resort back to her poor behaviors if she realized I was an easy goal to attain. Playing hard to get works. Dating others works great, if other women see value in you it brings them back to reality that they can be replaced as easily as they were trying to replace you.
The dynamic changes, the balance of power shifts and they're no longer in the driver's seat controlling this.
On top of dating I petitioned for joint custody of the kids and i got it. That's another thing: most men assume they won't get fair treatment, they won't get joint custody of the kids, that they will get taken to the cleaners when they appear in front of a judge and because of that mentality, they get exactly what they assumed. I did the opposite, I won't go down quietly, I proved I'm just as good if not better a parent than my wife is and truth be told I think I am the better parent.
I kicked my wife out of the house when I had enough of her crap behavior.
I dated others. I took care of myself, I shopped for better clothes, I improved my appearance, I believed in myself when for so long I never had that confidence.
I stopped working on the relationship. I stopped focusing on the problems and started focusing on me & my kids first.
Now I'm the one in the driver's seat, I'm the one she pursues and it's an odd feeling but now I'm not sure about the relationship, I'm not sure if I want to reconcile.
I read somewhere that the person who cares the least about the relationship controls it, I think to some degree that is very true. Apparently these feelings that I'm experiencing about doubting whether or not to pursue the relationship are to be expected, after detaching for so long, you have a natural momentum to keep going in that direction and it's hard to stop.
