And since she hasn't told me specifically that she wants to work on the M
I believe this is the key point here. My therapist, even today, had challenged me to say what has my wife done to work on the marriage/relationship since the bomb. She said even when she was attending counseling, she kept blaming everything on me and would take no ownership. Right now, my wife is blaming her sadness on me - as she's in this situation as she is still hurt by me. Although my wife says that she feels the hurt everytime she sees/hears me, she still calls and attends things with me and the boys. If it was really that awful, why inflict it on herself over and over.
I didn't mean to get on a tangent on my situation, but the point I was trying to make is, if your wife isn't interested in working on the relationship, or thinks that she is, you may want to ask her. That was what my therapist suggested. I had done that in my case and my wife said that she thought the way to work on the relationship was to try to experience positive moments moving forward. Problem was she didn't let go of her hurt so she could/would actually experience them.
As I posted in my thread, my WAW friend suggested saying in my situation "I don't mean to be insensitive but this hurts me too. I want us to get back together and when things like this happens it gives me hope. If there really isn't any hope, it just adds to my hurt."
Now this may not apply word for word in your circumstance but the message is of is there any hope at all is of note. Perhaps that may be the type of "ultimatum" that gets thrown out there when the time is right.
In the meantime, remember the Integrated Man triangle that spellfire outlined in one of my earler threads. As you have reminded me countless times in my thread (via 2x4's and 2x6's), be the Integrated Man.
Isn't that the DB/DR way? To stop pursuing and being the Integrated Man so you will be attractive so you will be pursued?
I guess that's where we do have similarities in all our situations, how do we re-attract our WAS? In my case, my WAW has moved out. In your case, it seems like your WAW has all but physically moved out.
Not sure if any of this rambling helped - nor did I ever thought I would be offering you advice. But this is all I got right now. I'll talk to my WAW friend this week to get her perspective and let you know
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
