For the most part, I'm feeling very peaceful about my sitch. Not crying anymore, GAL and moving forward. Felt good to address the mower situation w/out contacting h. Just keeping praying and reminding myself that I can't control h. If h wants to work on us, he'll contact me. I know I'm happier at work and with friends. Not 'every' conversation with others is about h any more. I'm letting go (control) and letting God do His work.
In my weaker moments, I wonder if things have become too 'dark'. I had a text last week about a cc balance xfer and sm talk that I initiated. Nothing since. Before that, it was a week since we'd had lunch which he initiated but didn't seem to accomplish anything except he got to see that I'm taking care of myself, looking better, feeling better, etc. but then h came over to the house to clear out his tools and bike/kayak/etc.
I was re-reading DR re: the LRT and how to watch/observe... with the separation approaching 3 months, it's really hard to see any progress. But 3 months is less than many on the DB boards experience. It's just the lack of contact that makes it difficult to identify any forward-progress. Guess it just takes time and I have to keep working on my patience!
Went to my tennis/cardio class tonight even though I felt like skipping. Feel much better! Plans all weekend with the kids and doing more spring cleaning/decorating the house the way I want it. Plenty to do in the yard, but my sis reminding me the nephews and BILs can help me with things... just have to swallow my pride and ask for the muscle/power tool help when I need it.
This is my time to make myself a more patient, accepting and flexible person and a good role model to my children about how to handle adversity. Overall, doing well but I'm a 'work-in-progress'!
