Out of curiosity, is your approach how you were able to save your M? I like to use what works or doesn't work from other people's successes to help craft my own plan.
DQ, Your insight is again great! When you were in the middle of your A. If your H was to give you an ultimatum, would that have worked for you? What eventually "snapped" you out of it?
In my W's case, I believe she was looking for a "father-figure" I think I mentioned to you before in one of my earlier threads. I filled that need for her until R maturity didn't outmatched my actual age. Plus we didn't spend enough time together after our first D was born and I didn't treat her as an "individual" woman. So when her boss came along, it filled that emotional void that was left by me.
We're still not reconciled but my wife is the one that initiates relationship talks, she is the one that takes me out to restaurants, buys me gifts, gives me great sex & attention & affection. She texts me dozens of times a day, calls me frequently and wants to spend time with and wants to "date" me.
Will what I did guarantee success at your end or anyone else's? There are no guarantees.
But I know what I did is a 180 from what most typically do to get their spouses back because it isn't based on my logic, I threw that out the window a long time ago when I could see that what I was doing made me look more pathetic from her point of view.
