WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 9

[confusedinpa]

your W is much more open to a reconciliation than your friend was it seems.

I'm still not sure if my wife is open to reconciliation or not. I think she has a few things to work through to get to that point. I talked to my therapist today and she really put it in a perspective of where she feels my wife isn't willing to try. My therapist had been our marriage counselor right up to the point my wife moved out.

She said that while my wife was showing up, she wasn't willing to try to work on her problems, let alone take any ownership in it. She said that my wife would constantly place the blame on me that hurt her, made her feel neglected, etc. Never taking any ownership in trying to make things better. I'm not sure if I full agree as I think my wife tried to the best of her ability, like I had tried to the best of my ability to understand/realize that there was problem, but neither one of knew what to do to "fix it". My therapist point was that we should have then
tried something different if what we were doing for years wasnt working.

I do agree that my wife isn't taking ownership in the communication issue in the past, although we are communicating better now. Problem is that she isn't able to let go of the hurt. Not sure if it's because she choses not to or doesn't know how. But that's on her.

This doesn't mean that I don't feel sad for the situation as to what my boys are going through as well as I. I also feel guilty for my part that brought my family to this point. I also feel frustrated/angry that my wife can't let go of her hurt/pride and is acting so selfishly. I am also hurt that the woman I love will do this to me and our boys. My therapist said that these are all normal feelings. How I handle them is the key.

I'm still working on me to make sure I will be the best CIPA whether we stay married or not. I will be the best CIPA to be the best dad and provide for my boys as best that I can, whether we stay married or not. In short I will do what I do because its what I want to do, whether we stay married or not.

Staying focused on that, the DB/DR way, is the key to surviving this mess. She's not trained in DB/DR but she seems to agree with the strategy/philosophy.