GETTING UN'STUCK'

[MrBond]

Hi robx.

Sounds like David Cunningham's words if you've ever read him. I think DQ has a point about it being like a drug high. Biologically, the pleasure centers are the same and if you've read alot of the cheating posts, the WASs totally change in light of the A. They literally will travel for miles for their "fix", leaving behind family and home.

You are right that it is a choice. Kind of like cigarettes. They available, but you don't have to smoke them.

"Free will is where it's at, that is where honesty is."

So true!

In terms of attraction, many times the WAS has taken the "attraction" away from the LBS and given it to the OM/OW. You could be Brad Pitt and they still wouldn't be attracted to you. Weird how it turns out.

Confidence, looking good, etc. are great for trying to bring back attraction, however they have to be willing to accept it and trust it. Especially women. They have to feel emotionally attracted to someone before opening themselves up. That means feeling safe not just physically, but emotionally with the spouse.

Plus, "getting back" the attraction from the wayward spouse is harder when there is that OM distraction.

So what to do? Well, I know the cycle has to be broken somehow as I don't think she'll be leaving her job. So I've been doing it through DBing and making myself the person I can be to build confidence in myself and indirectly making myself more "attractive".

However, she's got to determine why she strayed in the first place and be honest about it to herself. After that, then she can talk about her real feelings with me. She's just not at that point. She and the rest of her family have a hard time opening up about emotions, so it's something she has to learn to stop burying or else she'll never be happy no matter who she's with.

Thanks for the comments. More are appreciated.