What happens if he committs to another year is that we either remain separated that long, or we are stuck paying off the lease. I am not willing to pay off the lease because I have done this before with him, and prior to that, he lived with me but kept an apt of his own and therefore didn't help me out financially.
My thinking is that we can work on our M while living apart which gives us space to retreat and time to get things right.
I just can't tell him that I know things will be ok by Aug because we have been trying to see each other and get things back on track since the beg of April. He continued to walk out or away when things didn't go his way or he called it quits at least weekly and at least four times in the past two weeks.
He is obviously not as ready as he wants to be. He thinks since he isn't drinking everything else can be worked out - and normally one would agree. However, I am extremely anxious around him - fearful of him walking away or quitting still, arguing, disagreeing, cancelled plans, sabotaging behaviors, and how we are going to deal with our lack of compatability in so many other areas of living. I am reluctant to making any plans with him that he can back out of or overturn or disrupt my life and family. Financially, it is hard on us to live separately but we have lost so much because of his sabotaging behavior in the past. It has been insane living and I don't want to return to that circus. So far, I haven't seen proof that any of this will change and in fact it continues.
Today he spent about five minutes with me saying hi, and did I change my mind yet. I gave him my standard reply of 'I'm not talking about it at work" - his response - to say he can see I still don't want him and he left.
For two days, it has been saying hi and giving me a hug and kiss - today he runs. We took time off from work around this weekend, and he has changed his mind about spending time together. This is how it always goes. I go on and on but won't bore you anymore.
Tonight is my D's last school concert performance and then Friday night the formal - graduation in two weeks. Pretty full agenda for me.
Any ideas on how to understand H behavior or how to deal with it? The thing about being separated another year it will mean that we have lived apart more than together while M. As I talk about these things it is hard not to be discouraged.
