The terms say you have to be single, not separated. So I went to the help thing and sent them an email with her name and mine saying that we were still married. If she's on the service then she'll get booted.
I'll figure out what to do with the rest of it later.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
- "Last night when I walked over there to give you a hug I saw an eharmony thing on the desktop. What's up?" - "Oh that was -'s friend who's on there." - "mmm" - "So you're not on eharmony?" - "No, my friend - is, but I think it's corny. I'm not in that big of a hurry to get out there." - "mmm Ok. Just wondering...I'm going to bed so if you want a backrub come on upstairs." - "Ok" (I'm not expecting anything).
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
Later last night I ran downstairs to take care of barking dog and saw W crying pretty hard. I asked her is she was OK and I got a terse "I'm fine" in response so I went back upstairs and she continued her work.
I laid down with W this morning after I got out of the shower and asked her if she felt better. She said she was a wreck last night because BFF was supposed to arrive in a few days, the house was a mess and we haven't organized anything yet. (Really she feels guilty having a messy house with BFF around - like she's her mother or something). BFF's mother didn't know about the fling but she kinda figured it out so I think there was some drama about that. Plus BFF told her H about her new "friend" but both of us admit that he's not that dumb. While it may be acceptable to him (he told her to "spread her wings") it's still going to hurt.
I told her I wasn't worried. BFF is going to be at a hotel. We have time. We're going to work on things this weekend. Quick hug and a kiss on her face.
I think the reality of the situation is catching up.
I fixed her coffee and on the way out the door I gave her a hug, told her good luck, and that she looked great. She had a little smile.
Last edited by orangedog; 05/19/0905:57 PM.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
Friend who I talked with a few days ago is doing better with her H. They've had some good talks and are going to try to work it out instead of seeking a D. I delivered a copy of Db'ing to her today along with a few other titles.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
Last night I was organizing some papers and came across a printout of an email exchange of legal stuff. I counted back and realized this topic hadn't come up in over five weeks. Now I can't say this thing is busted, after all I'm still moving at the end of this month, but I'm happy those papers are lingering in a pile getting no attention whatsoever. What other reasons do I have to be happy?
- W and I hug now...and she smiles.
- She appreciates my AOS ("Acts of Service")
- She' s repeatedly mentioned changes in me.
- She has not said the "D" word once.
- W and I spent some good times together
- W and I talk more - she's warmer. Relationship talks are now possible.
- She invited me on family trip in July
- She said "We could call this off but I'm afraid we'd be back where we started." (That's sort of positive. At least she admits it could work. )
- She admits this is going to be tough. - At least now she's seeing or admitting some reality of the future.
- W's family and I talk even more. I'm still part of the clan.
- I ask for what I want. - We cooperate equally on tasks. (Yeah, I know, I'm moving..., but I'm going to have fun with it and she know's that.)
- I've been on top of bills, appointments, tasks, etc. - Now she's not yelling at me for brainless ADD gaffes.
- Got a raise at work
- I've been out a lot - GAL
- I feel really good - Maybe this should be called "Depression Busting"
- I helped a friend at the early stages of D. They're starting to work on things now. - I think W suspected my friend had a thing for me (which in a way was a positive thing seeing that other women think I'm attractive). However I showed my wife through this act of friendship how I valued marriage by helping my friend with hers.
- I'm getting a lot of complements. People have told me I seem happier. I'm paying even more attention to my clothes.
- I like giving her AOS "Acts of Service". - Housework sucks but that's not what I'm talking about here. I like doing little things for her like coffee in the morning, helping her with shoes, preparing a nice little side dish or dab of chocolate.
- Read "Charm School for Guys" - I was probably OK, but I polished up my act a bit - she just LOVES this stuff.
- Facing the reality of the situation. - She knows I care for her but I'm prepared to go either way. I'm not afraid of the future.
---
Oh, and the eharmony thing really was nothing.
Last edited by orangedog; 05/20/0909:51 PM.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
W was really nice yesterday but visibly stressed this morning and I dare say even trying to shift some of her emotions on to me with comments like "I know you're going to get your panties in a bunch about this." (uhh...no I'm not. I don't wear panties and in fact I'm feelin' like goin' "commando" lately). Meanwhile she's really concerned about BFF moving in with comments like "The house is a mess" and "I can't let her see it like this". It's like BFF is her mother or something.
So this morning she's all, "We really need to start", "I thought you'd take care of stuff by now" and "BFF really wants to start organizing" to which I replied verbally. "I'm not too concerned. I've got a three day weekend coming up. We've already agreed to a moving date. BFF can be patient"
Then by email...
"1. Yes, I can park some stuff in the new house w/o charge. Should be able to get most of the major stuff over there Sat and Sun.
2. Will move in 31st as planned
3. I didn't / don't have any plans to do moving stuff today other than maybe some paperwork/ lists tonight. If I can't get my stuff moved across town in a three-day weekend (not to mention a few weeknights, plus another two day weekend) then something's whacked. I didn't / don't want to draw this stuff out, just get'r done, hence the wine tasting Wed night and the vodka tasting last night.
4. I'm keeping next week mostly open except for a mt bike ride 6-9p Wed night with one the guys from the meetup group.
5. BFF will have plenty of time to organize. I'm thankful she's giving us space this week to work on our stuff."
--
Seriously, I've never felt better.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
Watch the alcohol... not too much or too often, OK? It's a slippery slope during painful times. (I know... "Yes Mother." Sorry - I worry.)
Based on your W's crying episode the other night, I would guess that she has all kinds of feelings that she isn't sharing about this separation. I'm not surprised that she is hyper-focused on the tasks and checking off her list of the move and getting things organized -- I often do that to distract myself from anguish.
