I had read your stich earlier. I am sorry that you and yours are going through all of this. I understand that you do not want to be here, pouring your soul out to strangers. But believe me when I say that this is the place to tell it all. You sent certainly can not say some of these things to your H, in-law or kids. There is a lot of other here that may be able to help you more than I can. I am by no stretch of the imagination an expert on depression or a MC. However, I am a man that has found that my depression had a major impact on my M. So let me tell you what I have learned about my bout with depression. May be you can extrapolate my personal experience into to what you are dealing with and maybe in some small way help.
First of all, I have been a male for over 55 years. With my limited experience as a male I have found through some reading and research that I am not an uncommon as males goes. I am a cave dwelling, signal task, macho male that will not ask direction, are admit when I am wrong ... even if I know I am wrong. It is every other persons fault and I do not think I need to change. I do not want advice from my W unless I ask her for it. But, on the other hand I freely dispense my advice to her, even when she doe not ask for it. I do not show love or my emotions readily, but expect to be and get love when I need it. However, I now know all of these things about me (men) and how they made a major negative impact on my R and M. It took a lot of hard work and practice on my part to changes, adapts, and correct my ways of doing things. This maybe why your H is acting the way he is about his medical needs and is what is wrong with your relationship. He is a normal male. Like me once he understands these attributes of a male and is willing to make the require corrections and works at it he can improve. If he wants too.
I accidentally found out I was and had been clinically depressed for some time. I am do one that likes to take pills (that the male it me). But when my C and MD suggest I start taking anti-depressants, because of my emotional rollercoaster ride I was taken after the W drop the BOMB. I agreed to take the pills for depression. After things started moving in a positive direction in our R/M and my emotional state of mind was much better, I started looking to get off the anti-depressants. My MD suggested that I stay on them, because he thinks that I am clinical depressed and should continue taking them.
As I reflected back in my past with my C, I realized that I had been depress for years and did not know it. I came from a family that did not believe in taken pills for depression. The general rule then was to QUIT FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF, GET BACK TO WORK AND THINK POSITIVE. Not that I was not allowed to go to the doctor as a kid, my Mom used and believed in home remedies in place of paying a Doctor for stuff she could fix with a home remedies. After taking the pills for about 6 weeks, I found myself, less angry, less scared, and I did not have that awful anxiety feeling. I was pleased with my emotional rebalance. I have not lost my cool with any one in the last 8 months. I have not had any anxiety attacks and I have not been scared to stand up for myself at the job. This medication has allowed me apply the things I have learned about men vs. women and become a better Husband, father, friend, and lover. As I said in my post titled My Final Post, I was determined to succeed in improving myself either for my W or someone else. It seems to have worked for me.
There is one important thing that needs to be said here. There are no innocent parties here. Everyone in every stich has a role to play. Everyone has to take responsibility for their respective actions. For a relationship to get better, stay better and improve with time, both parties have to share in both the good and bad things that we did to make our relationship move to the point that we are here on the forum asking for help. All parties involved have the responsibility to make change as needed and accept those changes that have been made. To recognize what the other has done to improve the relationship. Unfortunately, not every stich will work out the way we would like. There as many reason for failure as there are for success. There is NO SILVER BULLET, NO MAGIC SPILL, A FROG TO KISS OR A LOVE POTION NO. 9. Just hard work, dedication, communication, and patience, patience, patience.
I am sorry I got so wordy. I know I did not give you answers you were looking for. But I told you what I have found to be true for me and my stich.
Good Luck!!!! Keep your Eye on the Green and not the rough.
