Trying to detach from the madness!

[kassie]

SO2,

I think we have all been waiting for you to see the truth. Your exh has a serious and dangerous illness. I think you can love someone from a distance if you must.

You have done all you can do. continue to work on keeping communications about the baby and leave it at that.

[Startingover2]

I really hope a judge someday sees his serious and dangerous illness and not be fooled.

Only heard from exh once in the morning yesterday and then nothing after that. I heard from another ex family member that his brother that has been having issues was back in jail again. That kind of stuff always depresses exh.

[Startingover2]

He just sent a text asking if I can hold off on my CS check for a few as he hasn't been working due to his bad back. This really fries me...I am sure he is still paying his rent, his truck payment, buying beer and food, and all his other stuff. I thought CS was supposed to be the first thing you pay. I haven't responded yet. Don't want to fight with him, but don't want this to always be a habit. Not sure what a few is anyway. Days? Weeks?

[kassie]

Remind him you have the rent to pay and food to put on the table for his kids.

You don't have to fight, just reply and let it be.

Are you still in IC? Find any GAL activities? or is it too hard with the baby?

[Startingover2]

I am not in IC anymore. I have to pay out of pocket and I just can't afford it. I wish as it made me much stronger.

GAL? I do stuff with my kids and baby. All but one of my friends are married and do stuff with their families. My one friend that isn't has a very committed boyfriend and when she gets any free time, its with him. I do belong to a mommy group but only see them about once a week.

Kind of bummed about this weekend. My older kids are going away with thier dad. Leaving Thursday and coming back Monday. It will just be baby and I all weekend.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

hey SO2, sorry been gone, I have a friend coping with addiction staying at my house ironically. ya got any pointers?? she really wants to be free, but it's an addiction. sooooo.....

your H moving from one woman to the next is exactly what I would expect him to do. He is not looking at the true problem, the problem within himself. He's looking at everything around him to make him happy, but that won't ever happen. I still believe that you probably didn't fill the need that he was lacking, but he wasn't filling yours either. He's got a lot of issues within himself and thankfully you are not going to allow yourself to be tangled up in it. right??? if something happens and he really DOES change, well, then that can be revisited, but he's the one who's got to eventually figure out what he REALLY needs, adn that all these addictions aren't going to give it to him. they are only a temporary fix.

I do still believe he loves you, but he's not loving you the way he should and he's still looking to you to give him a temporary fix.

try to enjoy the time alone with baby, and don't worry about that reunion... just because people have an H or a W, doesn't mean they are happy in it. the statistics say 50 % of them will be D'd.

[Startingover2]

How is your friend doing ST? Its not easy.

I really see how sick exh is. Its alot deeper than the alcoholism. Its his mentality. I am seeing he is a sex addict as well. Instead of turning his life around he is fleeting to the next fix I guess. My poor baby has this as her father. Yuck

I never heard from him again after the text early yesterday about the CS. He is either really drugged up and sleeping or slipping into another depression.

[volleydog]

Its his mentality.

Yep that's why when addicts just stop and don't get any other kind of help it doesn't really "work". They may never use again but mentally they'll never be right.

Also I would tell him you need the CS ASAP.

[Startingover2]

Its his mentality.

Yep that's why when addicts just stop and don't get any other kind of help it doesn't really "work". They may never use again but mentally they'll never be right.

Also I would tell him you need the CS ASAP.

I really have alot of respect for you and other addicts in recovery. You realized the problem, did the work, and made the change. Thats why when I read your posts on your thread I want to scream at your wife that life could be a heck of alot worse. You didn't betray her. You got help. I wish my exh was like you.

There is nothing good that exh can bring baby right now. His visits are purely for his own ego and guilt reliever. She doesn't even know him as anyone special in her life. I watch her with my son (16) and she is cuddly and close with him. He is more of a male role model in her life than her own father is.

[blindsided1]

SO - you need to concern yourself less with H and more with your needs for you and the kids. YOU are not going to make him be who you want him to be no matter how much you beg, cry, scream, get angry, pray. This is his show. He has to direct it. Don't enable him. Go about your life as though he is an accessory. Set up the boundary with the CS. You can't afford to take on the extra burden of not having that money. I am in the same boat. H can pay a $2700 rent, new car, new motorcycles, new quad, Home Depot, BofA, Chase, Cell phone, food, golfing...he doesn't seem to have a problem paying what suits him. But, he can't give me a dime of his $7000 back pay from UI. It is hard. It is. I am struggling with the CS and going to CSS. But, I have no choice....I MUST do it for K.

Be careful about getting angry over WHY he visits his daughter. He visits. If it's to ease his guilt or a show....that's his issue...it won't relieve the guilt...guaranteed.

My father was an alcoholic....died from it at 59. My SIL is currently an alcoholic at 41...has been for over 10years. 2 children who are completely screwed up over it. A husband (my bro) that hates her and her addiction but stays for the kids. She finally hit somewhat of a bottom and is now in outpatient recovery, but also on meds (I think it's trading one addiction for another, but....)it's working.

You do for YOU and your daughter. Let H take care of his sh!t. You'll feel better. You'll be happier. He's not going anywhere. So, let go. Be free for awhile....you deserve it.