Keel-hauled, but, more time with my kids

[faithisbelieving]

Hi all. Been busy answering affidavit, etc. Of interest, I posted to a legal divorce website for some advice. I was sorta stung by the response, but, mebbe it's just me:

My query:

Hi..this is my first time posting. I am a 50 year old white male sadly going thru a divorce involving 2 children, ages 8 and 6. We are in the state of NY. We've both been counseled to stay under the same roof which, as you know, has been very difficult. My spouse's initial pendente lite was favorable to me. She tried to have me thrown out and also filed a false police report. After a financial appraisal of my business came out favorable for me again, she filed a motion, again. to have me thrown out, temporary sole custody of the children and $25,000 in legal fees.

My atty has recommended a countermotion against her and asked me to request 'relief'. One of these will be court ordered family counseling since my children are suffering from her screaming, anger and outbursts. I will also request to be notified about medical and dental appointments and, I guess, in some form, to stop being excluded from their education.

As you can see, my spouse has become vindictive, punishing and vengeful even though she wanted out (I filed). Her behavior borders on parental alienation. Can anyone enlighten me as to any other forms of relief I can request? One of my friends suggested right of first refusal but I am not sure if that 'flies' in NY.

Thank you...from a first time poster. FIB

The response:

Right of first refusal is a great idea that is rarely enforced if ever.

The truth is you can get it put in and if she doesn't do it, you can then pay to take her back to court and have a judge slap her hand and say don't do it again. Either you have a relationship where your ex and you can communicate and talk about alternate care for the kids or not.

I am unsure why your lawyers advised you to stay in the house. I think a lot of the screaming, yelling and tension is coming from both of yall having to live together. I can't see where this is a good environment for anyone. My guess is yall are fighting over who gets the house. I would suggest finding alternate living accommodations for either you or your wife. Otherwise things will continue to downgrade and get more tense in your home.

I am unsure why with you living your house, you are unaware of your children's education and doctor's visit. I am guessing this is more for the future when the divorce is final, and you are not always with your children. Again you can place a stipulation in the agreement to be notified. Also, since you are the parent of the children, you can under the law contact the children's doctor and get medical results for yourself. As for education and religion, that is something that can be settled when you set a up a parenting plan.

Since you are trying for court ordered counseling, then this would be an excellent opportunity to work on a parent plan with your stbx. This will make sure that you are both on the same page on education, religion and various other issues with the child. Also, if there is a conflict, it is also possible that the co-parent councilor will help work out a solution.

FIB