Piecing is scary. But I think you should go for it with guidelines. I think your H is right, I think his attention may be deviated without being at home. It won't be easy but is separation easy either. Good luck.
I agree with everyone, Sugar. Go to Retrouvaille with your H, and have him move back in. After Retrouvaille, you will have some tools to use so it doesn't get back to where it was. I worry that if he moves back, the same cycle will occur. He is going to counseling, and that will help.
My darling girl. I am so pleased to learn of your latest news about your husband. However, because your relationship has been through so much turmoil, I do think Retro would be the way to go. From what I've read, it's an incredibly worthwhile experience and since your marriage has experienced so much volatility, I think it would do you both a world of good. It would give you two a real chance at working to understand each other and learn how to communicate to one another in a way that let's the love come through again.
My best wishes for your future happiness. You've been through so much. I think of you so often, sweetness.
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
I think it's a necessary step eventually...if you go into it with the right tools. Doing Retro first would provide you both more tools and hopefully some hope and inspiration!
It's scary, but you can't stay separated forever either.
Only you can decide if you are ready. Keep in mind that you may never feel as ready and confident like you did when you were first getting together though after all the turmoil.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Thanks guys for all of your input. I would love to go to Retro and there is even one close, but its also 4 days after my surgery and I don't think I'll be able to sit for any length of time. We'll just have to take it one step at a time. Beginner's mind right?
I do think he is right in that what we are doing now is not working. There is no real motivation to move and it is stagnant. Being in the same house will force us to either move on to the next step or kill it once and for all.
Last edited by Sugar and Spice; 05/18/0907:46 PM.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Maybe look for one a month or two later? They tend to come close at least a couple times a year. Not having ever gotten my STBXH to go to one, I can't say how valuable it is from personal experience, but most of the people who have gone have really gotten some good things from it. Even if he moves in before you guys go, might be good to plan on doing it.
Originally Posted By: Sugar and Spice
There is no real motivation to move and it is stagnant. Being in the same house will force us to either move on to the next step or kill it once and for all.
Well, this will push things, just use the DBing to lead it in the direction you want!
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Wow Sugar...I have never read your post and now wish I had sooner. Lots of similarities between us. At the beginning of this post...I thought I had written it. I feel and have felt for a long time that a Reconciliation between H and I would be impossible. I think that is when I really started letting go of him. He and OW have a baby that is 9 months younger than OUR daughter. My BIL (who hated HATED OW) now lives with them. MIL has accepted the sitch even though we are VERY close. My thing was that I don't think I would ever trust my H to be faithful to me especially when he would go pick up his son from OW for visitation. I'm talking about IF we ever had gotten back together. I have always felt that H screwed things up soooo much, he could never repair the damage and I don't want to waste years on what if's and where is he ...where was he....is he seeing her....is he faithful...is he lying.
My hat's off to you for hanging in there. I wish you all the luck in the world and look forward to reading your success story. K and I are MY success story. I wish that I could have saved my M and my family...but, God has other plans for me.
M 5yrs 1st baby-girl born 6/18/08 Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07 D Final 07/10 OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her Me, now - happier than I ever was with him
Ok, I'll be nosy...what surgery and when?? Don't want you out of commission too long! If you want to contact me via the alternate universe, I'll give you a ring.
Hang in there. Hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Blindsided, there are a lot of similarities in our sitches and you are right. K and you are the success story. I'm not sure what will happen between H and I, but for my own peace of mind I am willing to give it one last try.
Kat, no secret. I'm having a hysterectomy the day after my birthday. Its neccessary and I'm ok with it, but its going to be a pain, albeit not in my butt. I'll get a hold of you in the alt so we can chat.
I'm not sure what to do or think, but right this minute I have to just let it be. He needs to make this happen.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
hey SIL you are so amazingly strong, and I am so proud of you. sorry to hear about your surgery, hope you wont be in to much pain, wish I could be there with you, I sure need the break.
love you!
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
If you want to contact me via the alternate universe, I'll give you a ring.