You are so awesome! I read your thread and I think you are kicking a**. Seriously, I will post my thoughts on there.
I am strong and I have needed to sort of be a different wife for these months just to know that I am not who he says I am. Unlike your sitch, my H blames me for EVERYTHING, tells everyone so much cr*p about me and only occasionally takes responsibility. I have to fight to see our M with some objectivity and not buy into his version but own my part...painful.
I totally get it about the email. What I get from it is that (as many have said before), if this M has any chance, it will be a much longer process than I want. I hoped that the shifts in our dynamic would impact him enough to rethink but since he is still at "I'm sorry it didn't work out." And "I tried." I see that I have to let go and maybe I'll be here, maybe I wont. My hang up is that once the kids go through the trauma of a full separation and have processed us as no longer a unit, well, it is hard for me to imagine letting him back in. But, that is way off, if ever. It feels VERY final to me. But, who knows?
As I mentioned, I did very well with GAL and keeping him at bay. But, I have to be so diligent and it hurts since he felt so rejected in M, to have to reject him over and over. I think 25 has presented a nice balance. I have to get a grip that maintaining boundaries doesn't mean being a bitch. You are doing a phenomenal job with this!!!! Seriously. My guy and sitch is different and more challenging in certain ways but your H sort of wanting the safety and you trying to interpret his motives...I relate to that.
Honestly, the way I view marriage and divorce jacks me up. There are no values that supersede loyalty and love to me...obviously, that is not where H is at and I have to face it...
I have been labeled a control freak by my family so I gently tell them what I think regarding their contact with H but I really have to let go. They have a right to their feelings and to handle themselves. I really am tired of micromanaging everyone. Also, they spin because I am spinning. If I was clear and decisive, I think they would follow my lead. Obviously, I come off as someone who needs protection and defending and I need to recognize that is what I am conveying.
I think your advice is wonderful and who we are in observing other people's situations can diverge greatly from who we are in our own (message not messenger). In this case, you are clearly a bright, strong woman and I appreciate the camaraderie and advice...
Oh, living in close proximity to Lalaland IFYKWIM.
