Wow, I think that 25 is the most honest and straightforward...she puts in so much effort and detail in her advice, it is amazing. AK we need to listen to her. I totally feel you right now and I especially feel you on the rejection front. It is a hard pill to swallow. It is easy to think that he should want the entire package and that if he loves the kids so much, why would he NOT love the woman who gave them to him. Worst of all is the way he is not respecting the amount of time you spend with the kids. This too is my feeling about my sitch. He gets to come and go and just leave you to pick u the pieces for them...and yourself. I keep telling myself that is where HIS issues come into play. He obvioulsy loves them and has guilt based on not being the father he should be. But the fact that he can't pick HIMSELF up by the bootstraps and BE that father only reinforces that the issues are HIS not YOURS. This should diminsh the feeling of rejection, it does for me. It should also reinforce the need for you to GO DARK...he is not going to realize how much he loves you and the "package" of his family until he thinks you are done, out of the picture. I too am going to follow this advice. To the best of my ability. I didn't see H for 4 days and I was feeling SO strong. Then I see him yesterday and I fell apart. It made me realize that going dark is the only way. Going dark forces you to GAL, so start there. I think about GAL and I stress about being "able" to. It is hard...but when I don't see H it is easier, as I have no choice. When I know I am not going to see him I can exercise, clean, go out. When I know I am going to see him, my mind spins and I freak out. I feel funny giving you advice, as you have already helped me alot and I see you as stronger than me. But, I have to say...YOU seem to be the smarter one in your M. YOU are smart...very smart. YOU are strong and the glue for your kiddos. YOU are the one who is gaining insight on what will work for you and the kids while he is out avoiding reality. As for the e-mail from your sis and his reply...remember that he feels attacked by that. Tell her to go dark on him too. No more e-mails it is not helping. His response has you spinning and is only making you feel worse. Remember not to believe what comes out of his mouth...especially when he feels he has to defend himself. I hope this helps...you always end your posts with ONWARD. And in a positive note. Start living it. (and I am so going to try to follow my own advice as well!!!!!) Thinking of you.... N P.S. Where in CA do you live...you don't have to tell me if you don't want...just curious if we are close
