John, Do you have the strength to move forward? I think you do...can you decide what you must have and what you want to have after this marriage. It is time to cut all communications with her unless you have to discuss your daughter. You can separate the rest using a lawyer...the stress you and your daughter are going through right now are not worth the few dollars you are will save by waiting to see what she will give you uncontested in the divorce.
Go see your lawyer ASAP...you can get off work. Ask for everything and I mean everything. It is better to give a little back later than to have to try to get more. Make sure your lawyer knows everything...the multiple A will not make a difference in the divorce but will make a difference in custody. Make EVERYTHING difficult for her...you are not her buddy...perhaps later. Go for full custody, no overnights for fear of the OMs showing up unannounced, ask for a temporary custody until she has been evaluated. The four affairs, abandonment, missing daughters events, telling both of you lies, etc will not look good to a judge.
Perhaps this will force her to change but with her past behaviour I wonder...her reconciliation with her first husband comment is strange and I wonder what she means by that...he abused and beat her who knows how many times and now they are friends? She is starting to rewrite history on so many levels...I am glad you told your CC so you have someone responsible to protect you. Prepare yourself for her to stop paying what bills she has taken on soon.
