25...THANK YOU! Your post was so helpful and detailed...I really appreciate that. It did give me hope and as of yesterday I must detail what I think I did to screw up my DB mission again! I need advice on how much I did backslide. I don't think it was too bad given the situation, but this is what happened....
Yesterday H came by in the afternoon before he went to pick up the kids from school to "pick up a few things". I was in the shower...and I know he was not expecting me to be home. I got out and he was outside the bedroom and I was getting dressed. He looked in and said something to me which I don't remember the content of but then came into the room to talk to me. I was putting on my underwear and he was staring at me like he wanted to touch me. I could feel it. He didn't, and I asked him "how are you?" He said good and laughed for some reason...and I said "what?" He said "nothing" and we both chuckled a little. (a weird, but nice moment). He asked me why I was home in the afternoon and I said I was getting ready to go to work. Then he asked me if he could take some stuff to his new place...he wants an extra couch that we have and one of the beds...the guest bed. I said no to the bed, because I was going to keep the guest bed for myself for when I move and sell our huge Ca. King bed... because it is too big. He said he would take the big bed then. He said he needs some stuff and i told him I didn't know if it was a good thing since it is only a month till I have to move and I don't want the girls to come home to see all this stuff moved already. He said he needs stuff so that he can have them over to his new place. Anyway...he had to go pick up the kids and he left...I told him I would think about what he could have. I went to work and he picked up the kids...a little while later he texted me to see if I could call one of D6's friends to see what outfit they were going to wear the next day for "twin day" at school and that they were at Target and did I need anything from there?? I thought that was nice...I said sure I will call her and no I didn't need anything but thanks for asking. Then a little while later he texted me to see if I minded if he got the girls chili cheese fries for dinner. I said go for it...not too important other than it being nice thoughtful texts back and forth. So...I was at work and had friends (another couple who we hang out with together) coming over for dinner...I was running late and they arrived at the same time I did...H was still here. It was a little awkward, but H talked to our friend Matt for awhile (they have alot in common as far as work goes.) We opened wine and I offered some to H but he said he had to drive and he had to get going. So...he left and I walked him out. I knew he wanted to talk about the stuff he wanted to move and was waiting on an answer to see if I would let him move it today. I told him to slow down...his pace was too fast for me and I would appreciate it if he waited...it was light hearted at first and he said "but Nic, I really need some stuff." I said I knew that and I wasn't trying to be vindictive...that I just was looking out for the kids and we still have a month in the house and it is just weird that we will have to live here with stuff moved out. Anyway, again...I told him that I would think about it and tell him later. He called me "babe" once in the convo. Then he touched my stomach and said "gosh..you are so freakin' skinny". Then we hugged, and I kissed him. He said "don't do that" and I said sorry. I started to cry...and I said "look...I am not trying to make you feel guilty here but I have been doing some thinking and I have been looking at what my responsiblity is in this whole mess...and I am trying to be understanding of your need for space. But you have to respect my house, and my need for taking it all at my own pace". He said "I know and this is hard for you...it is hard for me too. I am really sad I can't even listen to the country station anymore, it makes me too sad". (We like country and always listen to it together). He asked me how my weekend was back home and wether I went to his parents house or not. I said yes I did and he asked me if that was hard for me. I said yes, of course. Then he asked me if I would consider applying for and moving into the military housing here...that he wants us to stay here and that he didn't want to "close any doors". I said I didn't know, I would think about that. If I did move into the housing there is no way that we could get a divorce. So that was the jist of it. (long story i know but I think the details are important.) I talked with my friends who were here and thank God they were here cause I completely fell apart after he left. We all came to the conclusion that I should NOT move into housing...that I should move back home since it would be the best thing for me in the long run. So after they left I texted H and told him he could take a couch..no bed, that he could sleep on a blow up mattress until I move and that I didn't think housing was a good idea, that I would be going up North and looking for a place this weekend. I also apologized for kissing him. He texted me back saying he would call me tomorrow and that I should never apologize to him and I have never done anything wrong. He said PLEASE stay down here this weekend and look for a place here. I didn't respond. So this is where I am at. I know that I did wrong by DB here, and I am afraid he is only telling me that he doesn't want to close any doors in an attempt to get me to stay here, not move and take the kids away. Insight, please???
