Newly Separated and Heartbroken

[ALJ]

Wondering if anyone had any advice?
I have been using the LRT from the DB's book. I didnt beg or plead with him before he left but I did cry uncontrollably and told him that I loved him at our last goodbye before he got on the road. When he calls, I try to sound upbeat and happy and that is hard to do because I want to know how he feels about this separation. I know I am supposed to gal but I really need to figure out what it is that interests me. I do love to read and listen to music but I guess I just put my life on hold during this marriage and didnt take the time to to find out about me and what makes me happy. I just wish I knew what the future holds for us. I am making a career change and am going back to school for my Bachelors degree. It has only been 3weeks since he left but it seems like a year. I go from being angry with him for leaving us to feeling hopeless to blaming myself for this mess. I sent him a text telling him that I missed him (something I should not have done.) When he did not reply, I sent him another stating that I am only human and I cant just fall out of love with him no matter how he treats me. He responded by saying "I not trying to hurt you nor treat u bad...Im just at a point where the truth is just that...Im not going to lie to you nor myself anymore." After reading that, I felt sick with grief. Should I go dark on him which would be hard because we have kids or should I just keep upbeat when I talk to him, avoiding the relationship talk and wait until he wants to talk about it? I am committed to us being together again but I cant make him want the same thing. And right now I know he does not feel the same way.