I know this is hard on both you and your kids, but it doesn't matter who is making your husband's decisions for him. Regardless, you can't control what he does. Basically when I read your post I got the sense that you are just waiting for him to HAVE to come back to you because he hit rock bottom. Does that sound like a recipe for success?
Why are you holding out for so little? You'll take even a shell of his former self? It's kind of telling that you feel you deserve so little. Rather than say, "know what? He doesn't deserve me. I can do better than half a man that doesn't even want to be with his own daughter.", you think about the scenarios that will force him home for lack of anywhere else to turn.
Guess what? You DO deserve more. Focus on making the best life for you and your daughter as though he's just another deadbeat dad. Work on making yourself emotionally and physically whole. Give yourself an attitude adjustment every time you feel like he's some kind of prize to be won. If a friend was trying to set you up with a guy that left his wife and kids, lives with his parents, doesn't take personal responsibility for his own welfare, and doesn't want anything to do with his kids, would you willingly go on that date? If the answer is yes, then you really need to work harder on yourself. He should be winning you back through improving himself. Hold out for that. Don't sit still...move forward. If he doesn't change and grow, then he'll just hold you back anyway. No more feeling sorry for yourself.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
