Thanks so much for all the help. I actually was feeling pretty good about myself yesterday and today. I'm resolute and determined. And activly working on my GAL.
Talked to two of my kids last night. Told them that we are having problems and that mom has things she needs to figure out. I told them I loved them, it wasn't about them, or me, but was about the fact that W needs to figure out what she wants to do. Reinforced that it is her choice on anything that happens from here on out. I did warn them that it might be a difficult summer, but to remember that they can always come and talk to me at any time about anything. Told them I would be honest with them and share anything that I felt they would need to know. I didn't tell them anything about an A, just that W is wondering right now if she still wants to be married. And that it will be her decision. Both took it pretty well, it will be a tougher conversation with my youngest son today - much more sensitive than the others. But I also to the other two to look out for each other, to talk to each other, to support each other and to know that I love them and will not do anything to hurt them. And that they can always come to me for anything.
I've made my plan to cut off the cell phone on 6/1. I'm still capturing data and that will allow us to get through my daughters graduation without a major distraction. I am thinking through all the different responses that I might get from her and how I should respond with setting boundaries and not allowing the discussion to go a R discussion. I think I'm good and getting better. Hate to say this, but it is actually energizing me.
Question - how should I handle a request to talk about the R if it somes up in the next couple of weeks - before I cut off the cell phone? I realize that I need to set the boundaries (no third party, not moving out, need her commitment), but since she has been lying and tells me that the A is over, do I confront? Or do I let it go and let her continue. Or do I just say NO, not now.
My thinking is that any attempt by W to talk about R should be answered with "here are my boundaries - until you are willing to accept them and show me that you are abiding by them, there is really nothing to talk about".
I would appreciate any feedback and or input. All of you here have helped me soooo much. Thank you.
