We're all confused by this WAW, and not just in PA....
Your roller-coaster sure has more hills than mine. I'm no DB-Meister like PortlandDad or Coach to be sure, but you seem to be handling things with a pretty sure hand, at least outwardly.
I think this insight of yours -- there's a fine-line between support/validation and pressure -- is pretty solid, and you seem to be walking that fine line pretty well.
Purely as a devil's advocate, you could consider the possibility that you're walking it too well, that you're making it too easy for WAW. She can always "dip into the well" of good-will, so to speak, whenever she needs it, and this helps keep the wolves at bay.
Puppy Dog Tails has pretty remarkable insights and ideas on this question -- just how much pain should one let WAW endure? Is it instructive for WAH/W to see what the Reality is "really" like without us?
It's somewhat like the way kids find excuses to sneak into your bed -- sounds, monsters, bad dreams, etc. At some point you tell the kid to suck it up and work it out.
On the one hand, you (me, everyone) would be afraid that this would push WAW/H away, right? "Oh, well, since you're not there for me anymore...." On the other, maybe it would push WAW/H away just enough so that they see what flying solo really means.
In any event, I'll defer to Puppy on this, since I find his thoughts to be far more cogent than my own.
