We can guess here. I will tell you my thoughts, but you won't know until you ask her specifically (i.e., "When we were in the pool, W, and I said I love you...you didn't say anything back. Are you still unsure of your love for me?" Then, if she says yes, you talk about the whys. Figure it out. Does she just like to be sexual, but it isn't about her love for you?
Ok, I think she is probably holding back to remain in control. She's that type of woman. I can be like that. It also makes her feel wanted and powerful. I remember before, for some reason, my husband was nicer to me when I was like that. When I "caved" and was more focused on his needs, he became needy and "all about him" and it was unattractive. It took a while, but we have finally gotten that balance right. We talked about it. He said he only felt safe enough to share his true feelings and hurt when I would put my guard down, and then they would ALL come out. For me, when they ALL came out at once it just made him look unattractive to me. We have found it's better if we have small talks about specific things and then go back to regular life trying to fix it, than to have week long sessions of things being brought up. Does that make sense?
Not sure if that helps you.....
Of course the other reason for distancing is what you fear...that there is someone else again. Again, telling her that at some point will be necessary.
I believe you will be in this limbo, or she will have an affair again if you don't communicate more or get some help or Retrouvaille or SOMETHING. Patience has served you well, but it is at the point where more communication/changing has to occur between you two.
