Newly Separated and Heartbroken

[ALJ]

My husband and I have been together since high school and neither one of us has had a relationship with anyone else. He was my first lover and I was his first lover. Our relationship has been virtually conflict free and our sex life is fine. We hardly ever argued but we have always had communication problems and issues with being affectionate toward one another. I was told that showing affection toward your spouse is supposed to happen naturally but we really had a hard time expressing it. Its not that I didn't want to be affectionate toward him but I guess I never knew how. I guess he didnt know how either and we both knew something was missing in our relationship but never really addressed it.

Another big issue in our marriage was us not spending enough time together. Unfortunately, I know I was to blame for a big portion of this problem. When we were newlyweds, we worked opposite shifts and could only see each other on the weekends. Instead of me reserving that time for us, I took my grandmother and cousins out shopping and anywhere else that they needed to go. I was the only one with a vehicle back then and they depended on me. And they knew I would not tell them no. Meanwhile, my husband sat at home alone. I believe he had an EA around this time. After awhile he started going out to clubs a lot and going away with his friends once or twice a year to Toronto. We as a couple never really traveled like we should have.

Our daughter came along in July of 2002. A year and one day later our second daughter came along. My focus mostly revolved around them. I took care of the household, bills, shopping and everything else. It seemed like I was pulling most of the weight and I did mention it to my husband a few times but he always said "Tell me what needs to be done and I will do it or "how hard can it be?" I basically had no life. Everything I did revolved around my husband. I wanted him to be happy as he did go into a funk sometimes. I wrote it off as just a part of his personality but it might have been a warning sign.

In 2006 we had another daughter and I think this is when my H started to emotionally detach from me. I was still taking my relatives shopping on the weekends even though he had talked to me about how it was affecting our marriage. I don't know why I did not listen to him. By this time, my H had started getting serious about his entertainment company which is based in Georgia(He produces music and promotes artists.) Now his weekends are full also. We became like ships passing in the night.

Fast forward to 2009. My H and I have been working at the same job for 10 years together. But the industry we work in has taken a turn for the worse. The company that we worked for offered high senority employees a severence to quit which we both decided to do. We are both now unemployed. H decided that he wants to move to Georgia because there is a big market for his company in Atlanta and plus that is where it is based. I supported this decision. We agree that once he was settled down in Georgia that me and the girls would join him. I thought that this would be a new beginning for us.

Valentines day 2009 I think was the beginning of the end. We should have planned something special for this day. I, once again, took my relatives where they had to go and did not get home until late. A huge mistake. The following Tuesday my H started to act cold toward me and proceeded to act this way for a week. I broke down in tears and tried to get him to tell me what was wrong and little did I know he was going to drop the bomb on me. He basically said that he does not love me like a H should love his wife and he has been feeling this way for years. He said he is unhappy in our marriage and that we didn't spend enough time together and communicate with each other like married people are supposed to. He also said that maybe if I would have showed more affection toward him, maybe he would have responded to it. We did hug and kiss each other but the past couple of years he seemed indifferent to it. I guess by that time it was too late, he had already checked out emotionally. I am devestated.

I asked him did he want a divorce and he said he wanted a legal separation. I asked him if this is the end of our marriage and he said "I don't know." I asked him if we could go to counseling and he refused. I asked him if he was even interested in working on our marriage and he just looked at me with a mean look. I basically shut down after this announcement. His plans for moving down south did not change. In the meantime I moped around the house looking sad and despondent. I did not eat for three days. Nothing else really matter except the kids. He stopped wearing his wedding ring and did not want me to hug or kiss him. This hurt deeply. He also said sex would not be appropiate either but we still slept in the same bed. And we did have sex twice after his announcement but that was it.

He left for Georgia on May 1st. He and his business partner(male) are renting an apartment down there. It has been almost 3 weeks since he has been gone and I am so empty inside. I have read every "Save Your Marriage" book on the market. I miss him terribly and I wish that I could go back in time and change all of the mistakes that I have made in our relationship, but I cannot. I know he has made mistakes too but right now I feel like I made the most. He calls me every other day and we talk like everything is normal. He cracks a few jokes now and then. He talks to the kids also. He will not respond to my "I miss you" text-mails. We do not talk about the relationship or when does he plan on pursing the "legal" separation. Sometimes I think he is going through a mid-life crisis but he is only 33. I really want him to fall in love with me again but how can I work on our relationship when he is not willing and lives 14hours away?

I am sorry for writing such a long post. I am heartbroken and I don't know what to do.