New to this Community seeking advice

[sandi2]

I think the move to buy her new tires was fine as long as you did not say anything about "why" you did it. She is not ready to hear the "I did it b/c I love you and the boys". If she says anything, just tell her that you "wanted' to do it.....that's all.

I appreciate you explaining about the counseling and the stigma that it would place on you as a leader. I understand more than you realize. Off base is the route to go! I believe it takes a brave person to seek help when they know they have a problem they can't seem to get a grip on. Sounds like you may be doing a lot better, however, would you know unless you are placed in that home/marriage atmosphere again? Maybe you can tell by the emotion or pressure boiling up inside of you....or by what sets you off.

I wish I could tell you what to do differently, but I don't know anything "better" at the moment. Does your W know you are in counseling? If so, what does she say about it or did she seem pleased or show no feelings at all?

If you had not told me about your temper, and just told me about her playing the games on the computer and sleeping with the kids......I would tell you she was in an EA!! That is exactly how I got mixed up in one. I had an EA with OM via Internet. It all started by playing games, being lonely, etc. She was probably doing that the entire time you were in Iraq as a way to entertain herself. Nothing wrong with that unless you get into those type where you have conversations with the other players. There is always somebody out there ready to "hit" on you. At first, I would click off and not play with those who tried to flirt, but then I met one that was very cleaver about it. He was cute and sweet and did not get vulgar. I was toast!

Anyway, I sure hope that she did not move 900 miles away just so she could have EA's over the computer. However, at one time.....I honestly was so screwed up in MLC that I considered leaving my H just to have "freedom" to do exactly that! People sure can mess themselves up......and their families.

I have not made you feel any better by what I've said and doesn't seem like I have since I've been posting. Maybe I'll get there one day. In the meantime, you keep working at what you are doing so you will be well and can be a great father to your boys. You do need to have some "life" outside of your job. I am not talking about dating or exposing yourself to places where you would be very tempted to leave with a woman.....but just doing things you enjoy. Try new things. Do something with friends. Make new friends. I feel silly telling you these things b/c I know that you realize all of this, but maybe just need a gentle reminder.

Take care, and I'll check on you later.

Sandi