Learning to Detach

[kjensen]

Today was interesting. I talked to H about going for a legal separation rather than divorce..H is considering. Our conversation was good and we shared lot. H didn't want to go to communicaton class tonight(only 2 left),but again was considering-talked about going to dinner together..jst felt more positive.

Tonight H was a different person. Angry at me(for no reaason that I could figure. Didn't want to go to class. Said he had a bad afternoon-said we could talk about it later..

Tonight he texted me and said OW made him feel like she didn't care about him. He was mad and depressed at himself. Sent a message to his med doc that he waas having brief suicidal thoughts(has put this off for awhile so this is a good step for him)posibly from his A/D...

I called H and we talked. He shared that he felt he'd made his bed and would have to lie in it(get a divorce). He shared he didn't trust OW and felt guarded around her and just getting coffee with her and keeping is guard up mad it difficult to have a good time. He doesn't trust OW.

H shared that he understood w I felt that his having a relatonshp wih OW kept us from improving our relatonship and his/our friend had supported my viewpoint completely But H's therapist thought my request that he stop his relationship with OW(made in Feb before I realized he ws in a MLC) wss controlling- I agreed it was because at the time I was trying to control a situation I had absolutely no control over...anyway it was a good talk tonight.

Has anyone else had their H make a step forward toward divorce and then become more fortright and open to talking-bringing up the OW on their own?

Do you think he feels more in control of his destiny and therefore more comfortable letting his guard down? Trying to make sense of this change in H.

I am trying to remember to validate. Listen more than talk. Share positives with H. Be his friend and be supportive. Let H bring up the topics he wants to talk about. This is how I feel I should be considering his mental state, but does anyone have better/other DB ideas?