WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 9

[confusedinpa]

Well she called for me to say goodnite to the boys. After I chatted with them for a bit, she got on the phone. I just said have a goodnite and hung up.

She called back a few minutes later with a couple of tactical stuff and I just said good nite again.

She then called me about an hour later with another tactical issue but this time before I could say good nite and hang up she started crying. She said that she's been so sad today because of this entire situation. I tried to be compassionate but did a pretty poor job at that as I think I sounded more empathetic. I told her that I know how painful it must have been when she felt neglected and how we are both hurt by the current circumstance.

She continued to cry about how she just felt so cheated during all those years and she didn't know what to do. I said that I see how she felt hurt and see what are the things that made her feel neglected. I understand these things now as I'm continuing to work on me for myself and the boys while she's taking the time and space to heal. And will continue to do that regardless whether we stay together or not.

She just continued to cry and sob uncontrollably while we were on the phone.

I said we still have a lot of years ahead of us and we won't know unless we try. She said that we had been. I told her that I was a fool in the past where I didn't understand what the problem was that we were suppose to be working on. It's a shame that it took something like this for her to communicate what the problem was. Regardless of that, I understand it now. I told her that I'm doing all that I can do right now and don't know what else to do. I told her that if there was anything that she could think of that I could help her heal, that she can/should tell me.

I told her that she always had my heart and know that she felt that she didn't have my attention. But she has my full undivided attention now. I told her that I'm doing that not because I think that's what she wants, but it's because its what I want.

We spent a few moments not saying anything as she continued to cry. I told her that I know she has been tired lately and it's getting late so I should let her go to bed. She agreed. I said we can always talk tomorrow and goodnite.

I'm sure I'll get it from all the folks here that I didn't handle it the DB/DR way, but I was really caught off guard. It's been a very tough day. Between my 3 year old calling me early this morning saying he wanted to come home and wanted mommy to come home as well and then my 7 year old saying that he was sad that he can't come home yet and mommy isn't coming home, it has been very emotional.

So, what would have been the DB/DR way to handle the call? Or what should I have done differently?