I feel like I have been well education! Thank you all. And, Old Timer.....my gosh! All this time I thought you were a man.....LOL. I have read a lot of your posts but never your thread and I never remember you saying anything to give me the impression of your gender, but for some reason (maybe the name?) I just thought you were a "he". Please forgive me.....I would not wish that on anybody....lol.

Dance Queen, it has amazed me at what you told of your first MR. That was my story! I just did not know how to word it like you. I am still thinking about it all.

Puppy, you said I sounded like I was contradicting myself in my last post (which was a dozen pages ago). I suppose I did since I did not really know how to explain myself. I think I was trying to show you the frustration that your wife was feeling by turning you down and not having the feelings spring forth at that moment that "you" needed her to have for you. So, she acts like a b*tch so you will leave her alone! Oh, I've been there. The tears where he couldn't see, the sexual frustration....the whole bit. I went from my 40's to my 50's without any sexual contact! I've told the story, so no use in going over it again. Talk about stubborn wills! However, it caused me to be ripe for an EA and I didn't have the good sense to know it. I don't want to get into a debate about any of this b/c I've been down that path and it is too exhausting! But again, I must say that soooo much of what DQ said, and OT too, applied to me. I was a teenager when I M and had a baby the first year. I was molded into that role and yes, I think it had an effect on me! And.....I needed counseling very badly!

Puppy, I don't know if your W is LD or HD, but as I heard one person say, "In every M, one of the partners will being higher drive than the other one". Makes sense, doesn't it?

I will say again that she IMHO, she needs professional help. It may be something that could be fixed rather easily by the right person, or it may have very deep roots, but I don't think any of us knows that.....only a psy doctor could tell.

I know you are tired of reading all of this. A break will do you good. You know you are our "favorite" here on the board. Take care of yourself.

Sandi

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!