Please don't beat yourself up so bad. This isn't an easy thing to go through and DB isn't something that just comes to us instinctively. Honestly, hon, sometimes it takes longer to get it than it seems it should.
Face the things you fear the most. Take the baby steps - for you first. Let go and let God where your H is concerned. Focus on those kiddos, and on what makes you happy.
Enjoy every little small pleasure you can. Enjoy the smell of freshly brewed coffee, the sunrise, raindrops in the sunshine, a hot bath, a soft blanket. Listen to your children giggle. Play, be silly. The more you stretch out a little the stronger you will become.
Everyone wants to help here. Sometimes its hard to hear, and sometimes you need to take it with a grain of salt. Learn your own boundaries, make your own decisions, and do not under any circumstances spend most of your time here. It is supportive, but it can also be overwhelming.
Hugs.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
