PM Thread #5 - Hope new plan works

[PositivelyMommy]

Wow, 25yrsMLC, I needed that! I needed you to knock me over the head with reason and see what I was doing. Thankyou very much! I am getting a better sense of strategy now. You see, I was thinking erroneously about him coming back if he didn't want the kids to see him in a bad light. Yes, I was really concerned for his relationship with them and I really didn't want to badmouth him and I couldn't get around the conundrum of me not wanting to lie to them and the kids figuring out what really happened and still want to have a relationship with their dad.

Now that you explained the golden bridge, it makes more sense. I like the Art of War, so don't worry about that. I will keep encouraging their R, it's what I want because I don't want my kids to hurt, now or ever.

Your assumption is right, he doesn't plan on marrying her, that's why he told the C at our joint session that he never wants to introduce her to the kids! HOw is that going to work? My little kids will stay in a hotel with their dad when they fly to visit him?? Puzzling. So no, he intends to keep that part of his life in a bubble and away from his life with the children. It's his way of controlling the situation and also his way to PR his way out of trouble.

The last thing I want is to hold things over his head, that is why I tried so hard to patch things up after the 'ONS' but the thing was, his heart just wasn't in it. I don't know what the future holds or even how I will feel if we ever get back together again (not likely it seems) but I want to be on solid ground if that happens, not like before.

I won't mention the kids figuring things out again, not to H anyway. I just have a hard time telling them that our M is broken and it was half my fault. I don't want them to think that I didn't try or that I don't love their dad anymore. I don't want them to think that it's OK to give up when it doesn't feel good anymore. All the lessons that their dad is teaching them, all the warped values, right now. I feel trapped. I can't tell the truth and I feel I have to continue to cover up for him because maybe ONE DAY he might deem me worthy enough to give it a second shot. So trapped.