How do I not let this control my every thought?

[kat727]

I am sorry that you find yourself here but I have to admit having all of these wonderful people to talk to has been the difference in my life today.

I know I was depressed once ex filed for divorce and trying to stop it was on my mind constantly along with several of the thoughts you are having. I came here and told my story and my counselor could tell the difference in me in just a few weeks.

You may never understand how your wife could do this, she probably doesn't really know herself but she most likely will call it love. It isn't but she needs to validate what she feels and this is the "accepted" answer.

We each contributed in some way to the problems of our marriage and really who doesn't? But never did they earn the right to cross the line and have an affair. You didn't cause that or make her do it...she did it on her own.

The best things for you to do right now are to take care of yourself and look after the best interests of your kids. This sounds hard but you need to start working on the things that make you happy, make you a better person and a better Dad. Take the "spotlight" off of her and put it on yourself and your kids.

Keep posting. You CAN do this.

kat