I'm sorry, my head is just reeling, and I'm trying not to laugh, reading about my wife and "hot sex life" in the same sentence so much.
I'm going to take a break, but I do think that this is pretty close:
Quote:
Again - Puppy - she BELIEVES that she has to be single to experience this...because she has grown to believe she cannot experience it with you.
Yes, DQ, I do believe she believes that. I also believe that that's incredibly farked up, considering it's been me that's always pushed for that in our marriage.
Puppy - once again I will just say, I hope I am right and you are wrong, because if I am right then there is a chance your marriage and sex life will recover and become what you always hoped they could be....if you are right then she is too flawed of a person to ever hope for any recovery.
I really really really really really really really HOPE I am right and you are not. Really.
If you are right, however, you know we'll all be here to help you through no matter what!
Well, you could always try the direct route to see if W has hot sex on the brain: "W, I really value the openness and emotional risks that you took in your email. You are brave. I want to make sure I understand: were you telling me that you want to be able to develop a new authentic sexual identity as a woman that isn't all about being a good wife and mother?"
Sorry if my aggravation has sprouted forth, but so many are missing the real point here, and are lost in the weeds.
And I know all of you mean well, but what I am seeing and hearing is projections of your own sexual frustrations onto Mrs. Pup. Far too stridently, I might add.
I'd say the one thing that ties all of it together is unresolved insecurities that all too many women (and men) have.
You don't know Pup's W. I don't know Pup's W. And truth be told, I don't think Mrs. Pup knows Pup's W either. I think she is floundering around trying to figure out why she's not happy with herself. I think she doesn't know what it would take for her to find real joy in her life.
Call me a hypocrite, but that is not a stretch -- all too many of us are trying desperately to find meaning and joy in our lives, to find the worth of all that is in our existence.
And yes, so many people are willing to step forward to offer their own prescription for happiness. And often "society" today holds up sexual gratification as chief-most of those "solutions".
I'm going to cut to the heart of the matter here -- until Mrs. Pup figures out her own path to contentment in her life, there will never be enough sex or mirrors or anti-aging creams or diets or young men or glowing compliments to give her the lasting joy she needs -- that which we all seek, incidentally.
I am certain only an IC and a MC will be able to get to the real source of the problem. Sex is but one part of the equation.
Puppy - once again I will just say, I hope I am right and you are wrong, because if I am right then there is a chance your marriage and sex life will recover and become what you always hoped they could be....if you are right then she is too flawed of a person to ever hope for any recovery.
One last (for now) thought:
I think there's another theory, far less complex, that would explain her behavior:
She loves me, loves being married and loves our family, knows sex is very important to me (primary LL), but just isn't attracted to me.
In fact, by her silence to me asking her that last year, she more or less admitted that.
Puppy - I read OT's email exactly how she did, for whatever that's worth. And if I had written such a letter to my ex-h it would have said the same thing yours did...even though the subtext OT wrote was the actual truth...because the sub-text are things that I just could not have said to his face.
Precisely as you are saying, my ex-h was the one who wanted sex all the time, so how could I tell him I wanted sex, but just not with him, directly in those words? I could never have been that honest with him because it would have crushed him. But that is exactly what I thought.
I was wrong about that though. And he could have been the one who helped me develop my sexual self. MC could have helped us find that out.
I think there's another theory, far less complex, that would explain her behavior:
She loves me, loves being married and loves our family, knows sex is very important to me (primary LL), but just isn't attracted to me.
In fact, by her silence to me asking her that last year, she more or less admitted that.
Attraction and feeling "in love/lust" come and go, and silences could mean pretty much anything. Even if we assume for the sake of argument (and there's already been a few on this thread :D) that's what her silence meant, not feeling attracted to you at a particular moment in time doesn't really mean much to your relationship as a whole.
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
I am indeed a depraved woman.