How do I not let this control my every thought?

[Travis]

I know and understand all you are saying. I now have a better understanding of why she left. I have to take responsibility for allowing us to lose communication and letting us both forget who our best friend was when our marriage started.
What I don't understand is how marriage can be such a disposable thing. How do you just throw it away without trying to fix it? She says she tried fixing it on her own for several years. I know it's all just her excuse for finding OM, but it doesn't make it any easier. I know SO many people that have far worse marriages and problems than we have and they have done whatever it took to try to work it out.
Using the kids to get back at me is the most pathetic scheme that is going on. My son had a baseball game Friday night. Got rained out after the first batter. As we were leaving I told my wife that he had practice Sunday. She said okay. I called Sunday at noon to remind her. She informed me he wouldn't be going. I asked why and she said I didn't tell her and she made other plans. I said, yes, I had told her. She said, "Well, I'm just letting you know he won't be there." I made the mistake of sending her an e-mail that night letting her know that no matter what she thought of me, I didn't want the boys to be used as ammunition. I probably screwed up by also telling her I had made the conscious decision not to hate her anymore. I had made the decision it wouldn't hurt so bad if I just hated her instead of loving her. It doesn't work that way. It just took more work. I let her know that, be it 6 months or 20 years, we had two boys to raise together and if she ever found herself in a bad place, I would never turn my back on her and be an ear that would listen.
I know I shouldn't have done it, but the e-mail was originally about the baseball and in the middle of it I decided I was done being so angry at what she's doing.
I'm going to focus on the boys now, baseball practice tonight, (she says he'll be there). I just hope the boys don't continue to be ammunition to use against me.
Thanks for all the advice