John, I know you are tired...you are going to be more tired before this is over...you are going to have to dig deep inside and keep trying...you will know when it is over and only you can decide. Sometimes you will just have to make yourself keep keeping on, you have to for your daughter.
I like your idea of everything on the table but do not expect it from her no mmatter what happens with your marriage. If she agrees to come home try to start meeting with a chaplin trained in couple counseling. It will help.
The STD issue is your call...if you think you hate her now add an STD to the situation and you will know anger...why did she get checked out? That is unusual without the BS forcing the issue...just be careful...some of those diseases can kill. Someone has to be around for your daughter.
You are doing much better than you think controling your emotions...it is obvious to us here...use this forum to vent and ask questions...if you have to go NC you will have a down day for a few but will get better as you establish a routine. If that happens there are many ways to work with a third party so no worries.
Good heads up thinking on no major decisions for a year or so...many just throw up thier hands and quit at your stage. Don't waste the year though...that Masters will really help you later in life...finish it now using TA and use the GI Bill when you get out as a backup with a guaranteed E5 BAH rate coming in monthly or you may be one of the lucky ones that can give it to your daughter (check this before you get out)
Don't expect anything...believe nothing you are told and evaluate what you see...many ups and downs. FTR, I say keep trying a hundred times as long as you maintain your self-respect...do not believe anything she tells you about the past and you are not a bad person. She has the issues...not that any of us could not improve a little bit.
