"THAT, I do see. I'm just not seeing where that equates to anything about "effort on the part of (my) W to improve (my) sex life."
Let me try again. W is trying to communicate with you about what she really wants sexually. This is a huge huge massive risk for her and is very hard to do. She is doing this precisely because she wants to make progress and have a hot sex life with you. If not, why would she go through the hard work of baring her soul to you and trying to give you a glimpse into her desire to find a sexual identity that includes being all about hot sex.
She is doing that because getting to an authentic sexual identity is the ONLY path she has to getting to a hot sex life with you. She is trying to share her deepest darkest secrets with you so that you and she together can find a hot sex life in the context of your M.
If she weren't trying, she would not bother to do her best to reveal herself to you, even if her efforts at revealing herself (while massive effort on her part) are far from direct and in fact are hard to see by a reader spun by deep deep hurt and pain to a position in which he expects only to see the words an asexual/frigid/vain author.
