Setting Boundaries for MLC Alien H

[In Limbo]

Went to the Y and worked out last night. Tonight S7 has baseball game. If they win this one, they play in the championship game tomorrow night. I so hope they win. It would be wonderful for S7.

Been spending a lot of time today thinking about things, about what it is that I really want. I think what I want short term is to get rid of the fear. I'm tired of being afraid of what H will do or think or how he'll behave. It has occurred to me that while I'm a strong person, I have been manipulated by him so long that I don't think I'm strong enough to break free as long as he keeps waltzing back into the house, saying he cares/loves me, etc. Each time that happens I forget his current MLC illness and get a glimpse of the man I love and any glimmer of detachment I had goes out the window.

The other thing I've come to realize (that others tried to tell me but I guess I wasn't ready to process) is that OW really doesn't matter so much. With the current state he's in, he has whole pieces of his life that I'm not "allowed" to be part of. As long as that's true, our M cannot be restored. So even if there were no OW, no EA, there would still be that. Oh, and I'm sure there would be/will be some other OW if this one goes away. So, the conclusion I've drawn is this....I have still be trying to control H and force him/guilt him into staying. I do not want a M based on control. I want a M based on love, devotion and commitment. We can't have that M right now with H in his current situation. So, I have to let him go. Since I'm not strong enough to let him go with him still here, I will have to ask him to move out. I'd love to get feedback from some vet DB posters who've dealt with MLC. Is it better to go ahead and ask them to leave? If so, how do you do it and still be committed to standing? How do you DB as you do that? Ok to bring up R, OW, etc. during that discussion? Do you tell H it's not what you want but what is best with things the way they are?

I'd appreciate any thoughts you have....