And that, my friend, is precisely what I intend to do. I will not bust this divorce. Not by putting on silk shirts and courting her the way I used to do. Not by putting on airs. Not by putting on a dog-and-pony-show. If this divorce were to be busted, which I expect it will not, it would be done because I am me; because I am reclaiming me, I am regaining me, I am redefining me, I am reconstructing me, I am remaking me, I am rediscovering me.
I do agree that I will not bust the divorce by pretending to be someone/thing that I am not. I am approaching this by rediscovering me. Before I fell into the funk of the routine and just focused on work and family and forgotten about me and my wife. I had been living life, no longer enjoying it.
That has changed since the weeks after the bomb. I am living life for the moments, not the things. I am enjoying the people not what we are doing. I am experiencing the journey, not just the destination. That's what I'm trying to get back to. I had gotten so caught up in the daily grind that I had forgotten about myself and in the process my wife as well.
Right now I feel that I need to win my wife's trust back with her heart (she said on Friday that she feels that she can't trust me with her heart again as she doesn't want to be hurt). I've told her that was in the past and I'm changing to make me a better person and dad.
So when I'm interacting with my wife via phone or in person, I will be the best CIPA I can be. All other times, I am going to stay focused on me and my goals and maintain Dark/Dim.
This still sucks though.....
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
