Maybe that's it, Coach. Maybe I never have; maybe I can't.
Spiritually, I can forgive -- it's God's to forgive anyway, and not mine. But emotionally, it's very difficult for me to forgive someone who is unrepentant. And when they SAY they are repentant, but their actions and effort expended don't demonstrate that they really are, then I get to feeling resentful again.
You know I spend a lot of time on these forums. I see so many women (and men, too), who screwed up and had affairs, and who are willing to do ANYTHING to get their spouses back. My wife wasn't even willing to pay me ONE COMPLIMENT as our two-week assignment from our MC (we gave up on my LL#1 -- Physical Touch -- and MC decided to go for the less-lightning-rod LL #2 -- Words of Affirmation). But mostly, to be honest with you, it's the sex. After rejecting me for most of 20 years, she finally decides to get in touch with her sexual feelings again, and it's with someone else. Then, she lies to me about it, and it almost costs us our marriage (and it still might). To me, there should be some greater effort (hell, I'll take SOME effort!) expended -- sexually -- to try to re-build trust with me, and re-build love.
In two years, I've only seen three instances -- one, when our divorce was pending, two when our court date was pending, and three when we were about to tell our kids. Those, to me, were all about HER, and her own needs and guilt, and not at all to do with helping ME get past what she did to me.
