Who said you had to do the same things or do them forever? But why not do what worked for awhile to see if W can find space to feel like a woman and lover inside of your M??? If she gets to a place in which woman/lover and wife/mother can coexist in her life, and you continue to have regular sex, vanilla sex will be just fine too. The problem is how she can re-embrace wife/mother without dumping woman/lover. To me, it sounds like you are willing to do a LOT sexually, unless it really seems to work for her. (Consider that your reluctance here might be withholding behavior...)
It is great that you are willing to do all that sexual experimentation. But given W was stuck in a wife/mother sexual persona, she probably didn't really feel free to enjoy it, or at least free to initiate it or acknowledge her enjoyment later.
